8/23/14 Boy what a weekend. Spent it in Vegas. I left work early Friday. When I got home I quickly packed and was ready to go. I can’t pack ahead of time because my husband messes with my stuff. Last time I went somewhere without him, he took all my underwear out of my luggage. He came with me this time, but to be safe I waited till just before we left to pack. Anyway, I had six suitcases for two days. I wanted to be ready for anything. You know it snows in Vegas. Maybe not in August, but you never know. It’s best to be prepared. I told my husband to take the suitcases to the car and load them in. He said he couldn’t because he’s not supposed to do anything too physical. Everybody knows he’s not really sick. But, he’s researched PAH, the disease he claims he has, and knows all the symptoms and characteristics. There’s a long list of don’ts and he tries to use them as an excuse to get out of things. Fortunately, I know what they are too. He’s right, if he were sick, anything that causes the muscles in the trunk of his body or his chest to contract or strain adversely affects his ability to breathe. Because I know he’s faking, I broke the rollers off the luggage. That way they wouldn’t roll and he had to carry them. Of course, I made him carry all six cases at the same time. he was also dragging his portable oxygen machine behind him. He carried them, then complained he was having trouble breathing and was too tired to drive. Both would be true if he had PAH, but he’s just lazy. He asked me to drive. But, has tried this trick before. Remember that old saying, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. I said “no” and forced him to the car and pushed him in the driver’s seat. A couple hours later, out in the middle of the desert, his head started bobbing and he fell asleep, his chin hitting his chest. The car veered off the road into the desert. That woke him up. I also slapped him in the back of the head, threatening to hit him harder if he ever fell asleep while driving again. I don’t know which one scared him more, going off the road or my threat to hit him. He stayed awake the rest of the way. Once we got to the hotel, I made him carry all my luggage to the check-in counter. I asked for the room that was the furthest from the check-in area. They gave it to me. Still dragging his oxygen concentrator, my husband complained all the way to the room about having to carry the luggage again, whining that he was out of breath. Again, a PAH symptom. I just ignored him. After he unpacked everything I made him take me to the casino floor. When we got there, I saw one of those stands that sell frozen daiquiris. I told him to make up for carrying the luggage I’d buy him one. I got him a 50 ounce Mai Tai daiquiri with a couple extra shots of 151 rum. He was so tired, he didn’t realize, but he downed the whole thing in less than a minute. Then, I found a set of stairs that led to a second floor casino and up I went. He followed, carrying his concentrator up the stairs. He claims that he if he has to climb stairs with more than 4 or 5 steps, he can’t breathe (another PAH characteristic; have you seen the PHAssociation challenge?) and when he has to go up a flight of stairs, he often stops two or three times to catch his breath. It’s all an act, although, between the daiquiri and the stairs, he was gasping like a fish out of water, weaving like a drunk. He crashed into a craps table landing on the playing surface. The shooter had just thrown the dice. They hit my husband in the head and he knocked all the chips everywhere. Everyone at the table was screaming at him. Three big security guards ran up, grabbed my husband, and starting carrying him off the floor. Because he looked at me and asked what’s going on, they made me come too. They took us to a back room and accused my husband of deliberately falling on the table in order to steal chips. They strip searched him, including a cavity search. However, they couldn’t find anything. Still, they said he was so drunk he failed to get the chips he was trying to steal. They called the police, although the casino didn’t file any charges, Still, the police said he had to go to jail because he was drunk and I could pick him up on Sunday morning. They also refused to believe him when he said he needed supplemental oxygen. They asked me and I told them I didn’t know anything about him using oxygen. Because of that, the police wouldn’t let him take his portable concentrator. When they took him away, I was so happy I did a back flip. Imagine, I had a free weekend in Vegas without my husband. I was hungry and the first thing I did was go to my favorite local German restaurant. They encourage everyone to buy shots of something. They also have this big wooden paddle and everyone who buys a shot and downs it is told to bend over and get a swat. It’s this restaurant’s “thing”. I had a dozen shots of peppermint schnapps and got a dozen swats. By the time I was done, I could barely stand up. But, I could barely sit either. I went back to the hotel and wandered over to the Sports Book. I put a couple bets down on some games and sat down to watch. Of course I won. There were also 10 or so guys there for a bachelor party. They invited me to join them and we drank and sang and teased the pending groom till the early hours of the morning. When they started talking about everyone chipping in to get him a girl, I left. Late the next morning, after a nice breakfast, I decided to lay around by the pool, sipping champagne. In the afternoon I pampered myself, going to the spa. I got a massage and sat in their Jacuzzi for quite a while. I got a manicure and a pedicure too. I had my hair done and then went over to one of the casino’s women’s wear shops. I bought a new dress with matching shoes and purse. Got a new diamond necklace too. I was looking and feeling so great I went for a nice dinner. I had a great filet mignon, cooked perfectly, a bit of lobster, and all the usual accompaniments. I also splurged with a bottle of ’95 Opus One. Sunday morning I went to Caesar’s Palace. I gorged myself at a great brunch. Afterwards I figured I’d stalled as long as I could and went to pick up my husband. He told me he hadn’t been able to sleep because there were several big, mean looking men that had threatened him, and he didn’t have his oxygen concentrator, causing him to have a lot of trouble breathing. He asked if I would drive home so he could sleep. I was feeling so good, I agreed. He slept the whole way home. Once home, I woke him and made him carry in all the luggage and unpack everything. After all, I can’t be too nice to him. He’ll come to expect it. I had such a great time without him, I think I’ll leave him home next time. Vegas, I’ll be back soon, no husband!!! Chris
Posted on: Mon, 25 Aug 2014 02:54:15 +0000
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