9 May 2013 Teamwork, instead of individualizing your efforts so that you can get all the recognition. You work harder than others to make yourself look better and never offer any help. You even talk about the ones having a challenging time just so that you can make yourself look good. The sun was setting, arc looking like an eye first opening from sleep. The Natives were chanting, stomping their feet and waving their spears in the air. Desoto shot his rifle into the air, and with his party of five men, all of them drunk except for the monk, charged forward. Trifling, Desoto had only five bullets. As the Natives were opening their eyes big in fear, the last rays of the setting sun blinded Desoto’s entourage. They were surrounded by the Quiz Quiz tribe warriors. One of the warriors sturck the Monk in his left side. The same area Jesus was stabbed. As the boy downloads the whole album, in the mix of arias there just so happens to be a track about God. Just like Man said, May 21, 2013 Cleaning out my closet I found the R.O.T.C. papers. Thought it would be fun to read through. It wasn’t fun at all. It reminded me of my inevitable flaws when I read my failing evaluations. What’s it like to have a learning disability? It’s trying to get in where you fit in. Originally, I wasn’t going to teach, that was just the only degree after almost two decades that made sense to me. It’s coming up with defense mechanisms to hide your inferiority. It’s studying people, thinking you can eventually discover where to fit in. It’s doing your best and realizing it’s not good enough. It’s disguising acceptance with rage. It’s feeling, almost inherently that there’s a better me inside that doesn’t come out when I want it to. It’s making assumptions about things, situations, and people so I don’t place myself in a situation to get hurt. It would be so easy only to say bad things. I live more honest today… May 22, 2013 Being L.D. I hear, see the interviews and I anger. Got this relentless fear that I just don’t belong. No calls, so much effort-No job interviews L.D, So I reflect. Why do I feel this way? I always resented the Artist who made their living doing art. When I was told, and still am told that I have to get a day job and do the creative stuff on the side- May 25, 2013 I failed miserably at Rocking out Ground Zero Blues Club with my “When The Levee Breaks” cover-“More on that later… At work the following day a peer teacher was playing guitar and I asked to see it, and she ignored me like she always did, Cuzz’ I’m the strange guy/sped teacher. “Sigh.” And it reminded me of what a failure I was at very possibly the last time I will play there. NOT! Anyway… Every time I saw that Car Tag, with a guitar on it, I reminded me that I had quit like a coward out of fear. I am pretty sure that guitar is rooted in Clarksdale. Therefore, it was important for me to grace that stage…one more time. …and after it was done I learned some things that will serve me way better than knowing how to play a guitar. “Dang it, everytime I try to rock it my guitar is out of tune.” For starters, I have learned that in the past I have played a “poor me” role as a way to get people to do what I wanted them to do; and or as a way to get out of doing something. And when the time came for me to show how great I am, my credibility was gone. Thus, the door of opportunity slammed in my face. So I felt like I had to kick it in and prove HOW GREAT I AM. I always had to ask you “How’d I do?” and I’d create my own self value out of what you thought or I GOT ANGRY AND STRIVED TO PROVE YOU WRONG. Especially, IF YOU TOLD ME I COULDN’T DO SOMETHING. I realize- control manipulate others by feeling sorry for me-it’s related to my learning disability-I want to know. Therefore, I have decided to get my I.E.P. BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW. I admire the musicians who jam everyday regardless. I have been doing music since the nineties off and on, never consistently. Because… I do what I do for…(I WILL BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS THEY TALK ABOUT WITH AMAZEMENT). CONSIDERING that I just practiced for four days to get ready, after not picking up a guitar for over three years, seriously- (What I’ve done…) Want myself to feel important So I dare to think and act Upon convinced with Utmost conviction That I have powers
Posted on: Fri, 02 Aug 2013 01:33:03 +0000
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