A Bottle to Throttle Your Humor Dan C. Crenshaw Humor is a vitamin that can help you see lifes experiences it a more dignified instead of demeaning manner. Humor can help you transform the situation and turn frustration into a delightful encounter The following humorous rendition of an actual person event. Is been revised to incorporate humor and make it more palatable and delightfully laughable. I felt less demeaned and he transformed my demeanor. You are about to experience a stunning, super heroic scenario. This nonstop, gripping escapade will keep you clinging to the edge of your seats. I invite you to absorb unforeseen gallantry in the midst of insurmountable odds. The only way that I can help you capture even a glimpse of the level of heroism that I displayed is to be . . . Superman! I ripped off my regular shirt and proudly revealed my Superman T-shirt. Before I embark on this scenario, it is vital for me to warn you that this dramatic event has received the new rating PR, which stands for Perfectly Ridiculous. Now, allow yourself to become entrenched in this breath-taking scene. It is a military environment. The ROTC students at Clemson University were asked to successfully execute the impossible, but I reminded myself that I was Superman. We were lined up into groups of ten. Two containers were placed in front of each team a dazzling 100 feet apart. The instructor had the audacity to order each person on each team to take turns, bend down, and place their foreheads squarely on the mouth of the first bottle and turn around ten times. Then, we were further ordered to run in a straight line 100 feet to the second bottle. To make the physical feat even more astronomical, at the second container we were commanded to repeat the ten gigantic gyrations all over again. As Superman, naturally, I was unanimously elected to be the powerful leader of our team. When the gun fired to start the race, I felt a bullet of fear strike my heart. Reality brutally bombarded my brain and reminded me that I have motion sickness, but I reminded my mind that I was . . . Superman. I gathered my wit and undauntedly bent over and placed my forehead securely on top of the mouth of the first container. Around and around I went, totally oblivious to the devastating repercussions these perilous maneuvers were going to inflict. When I completed my tenth circular movement, I arose not composed. I was far more unstable than a severely intoxicated man. But I reminded myself that I was Superman. I heroically staggered toward the goal of reaching the second container 100 dazzling feet away. Being extraordinarily dizzy and unstable, I weaved back and forth, crisscrossing the straight line. Second Bottle I now stood above the second bottle, overwhelmed at executing the upcoming impossible task. In fact, I felt like I would rather be executed. I knew that going around ten more times under this dire duress would render me totally and traumatically dysfunctional. To make matters worse, in the midst of the whirling of my mind, the container became a circling, moving target! I attempted to place my forehead squarely down on the mouth of the bottle and completely missed. Then, with uncommon determination, my head miraculously found its destination on my fifth superhuman heroic effort. After my tenth circle around the bottle, dizziness engulfed me. I became much more than tipsy. As a result, I tipped over and fell flat and face-first on the ground with an enormous thud. Some lunatics yelled that I was a dud. I idiomatically bit the dust, but literally I bit the dirt. Panicking, my breathing escalated. Poor, helpless dirt was sucked down my throat and lodged there. It did not feel like I or the dirt were like lodging in a hotel. It felt like we were in, well . . . hell. To make matters even more catastrophic, there was little room for air to travel through my throat. As a result, inadequate oxygen reached my brain. I was left with far less than half a brain. I tried desperately to remember that I was Superman. With phenomenal heroism, I marched toward my dire destiny. Step by step, I began to fulfill the outrageous objective of returning to the first container, which was the finish line, 100 treacherous feet away. Halfway there, under the enormous weight of my dizziness, my knees buckled again. I plunged to the ground with such enormous force that my teeth became embedded three inches into the dirty dirt. My breathing became even more rapid. Even more dirt was lodged into my windpipe. Consequently, the fact that I would finish the race alive seemed like a pipedream. There was virtually no space for oxygen to pass through my throat. I gagged, but this was no gag. It was perilously serious. It was a breath-taking drama. My breath was virtually taken away. My dizziness zoomed. I felt doomed. I was now operating on only 10 percent of my brains capacity. But with phenomenal effort, I remembered that I was Superman. Therefore, in the midst of incredibly insurmountable odds, I reached my final destination. Then, the dirt lunged from my throat to its freedom. I was no longer breathless. My team experienced the red badge of embarrassment. Then they all broke out into uncontrollable laughter. This empowering laughter became a potent medicine. Laughter ignited my team to victory without any reticence. Our empowered team defied predictability. I was carried off the field on my teams shoulders as a hero, but my team could not stop laughing. May laughter never stop being your powerful ally. When it seems like you are going in calamitous circles, you will not fall and bite the dust. You will march confidently forward and obtain and share lifes golden dust.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Feb 2014 09:42:14 +0000
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