A FRIENDLY REJOINDER TO THE NEIGHBOR WHO LEFT AN UNSIGNED NOTE IN MY MAILBOX WHILE I WAS OUT YESTERDAY 1. Thanks for reminding me about the items (specifically, a kids basketball hoop and an old television) which have been on my curb for many weeks. Of course, I drive within 10 feet of them whenever I pull into or out of my driveway, and I placed them on the curb myself in the first place, but I suffer from a strange mental block which renders me incapable of comprehending their existence. So thank you for mentioning this. 2. Since you seem to be so helpful, could you please tell me how many days are in a week? I always thought it was seven, but now Im not so sure. I put my TV on the curb around 6pm on Tuesday, August 12, and you left the note some time yesterday afternoon, almost 11 days later. Yes, 1.5 weeks is technically plural, but it hardly qualifies as many, so Ive just now been overcome with panic over the fear that a week might actually be four days, in which case, my stuff would be out on the curb for _many_ weeks, just as you said! Please let me know as soon as possible. Another anonymous note would be fine. 3. The reason I know the August 12 date so precisely is because I remember it was a Tuesday afternoon, and I had just missed that days bulk pickup. That meant it would be another week before it could be picked up, but I put the TV on the curb anyway, because I had just purchased a new TV, and because I already had all the boat anchors I needed inside the house. In the interest of full disclosure, I was supposed to call and schedule a pickup for last Tuesday, August 19, and I totally forgot. In my defense, I just got married on August 2, and my wife and I have been really busy taking our honeymoon and getting settled since then. I have already scheduled the pickup for this Tuesday, August 26 (confirmation number 704752). But all my happy newlywed stuff scarcely excuses the pain and anguish I have caused you and the rest of the neighborhood by leaving the TV on my curb for an additional seven days. As punishment, I am watching 300 consecutive episodes of Caillou as I type this. Incidentally, the TV which is currently on my curb is actually the 3rd one Ill be disposing of this summer. Jen and I are replacing our old box-style sets with new flat-screen models. The three sets were all very similar, and were disposed of one at a time, so you may have mistakenly thought that one set has been out there for quite some time, but this is actually not the case. If I dispose of any large items in the future, Ill be sure to spray-paint the date on them in large numbers to avoid any confusion. 4. Thanks for providing the phone number for Medway Waste Disposal. I am completely incapable of using a web browser to find this number myself. I was also unable to read the calendar that the Medway Waste Disposal department sent out in June, with this number prominently displayed in a huge font. 5. Thanks also for writing a 1 in front of the phone number. I have two college degrees, including a Masters, but I never have mastered the art of making a phone call. This disability has caused me great sadness, but thanks to your thoughtful assistance, Im on the road to recovery. 6. I dont mean any disrespect, but could you please take me through the thought process that led to you leaving this note in my mailbox? I can only guess that you did so because you could not find my phone number, which is odd given how you so impressively found the phone number for the Medway Waste Department, and since my number is listed in the phone book and online. I am also guessing that you didnt come and speak to me in person because you could not figure out how to ring my doorbell. For future reference, please follow these steps: -Walk up to my doorstep and look a few inches to the left of the door frame, at about waist level. You will see a small, round, illuminated button. -Press it. 7. It is very true that the basketball hoop has been on my curb for several weeks longer than the television. In my defense, I actually did contact Medway Waste Disposal and request a pickup of the hoop, but they refused to take it. They told me they would only take it if I cut it into pieces, but part of the pole is solid metal, and I dont have any explosives handy. I placed an ad on Craigslist for a free basketball hoop, and have finally found someone to take it, but it took quite some time. The person is supposed to pick it up next week. 8. Come to think of it, Im not going to give these items away after all. I am really liking the way they look on my curb, so I think I will leave them there permanently. Ill even string lights around them at Christmastime. It will be so festive! Ohhh, and you know what else?? Ill run a couple hundred feet of cable to the TV so I can broadcast C-SPAN 24-7 for all my neighbors. Youre welcome! 9. I really appreciate you leaving that note in my mailbox, but I feel I must warn you that this is a violation of federal law (about.usps/news/state-releases/tx/2010/tx_2010_0909.htm), and that there is a $500 fine for leaving non-mail in someones mailbox. If you have notes for me in the future, simply tape them to one of the items on my curb. Your pal, Dave
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 15:51:28 +0000
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