A Guilty Conscience: No matter how hard you try to make someone understand how you are feeling or what you are going through, what you have been through or what you are getting ready to go through-you cannot make them understand no matter how hard you try or even how hard that they try to understand-all they can do is be a friend and show compassion! The only way to truly understand someone is to have been through similar experiences and only then do you have a clear understanding of what they are going through and how they are suffering emotionally! I am so thankful for the people who read what I write whether they ever agree with me-I appreciate the time that people take to read my many words when time is precious and there are so many other things that they could be doing with their time! But my worst fears have become true-people really don’t understand me no matter how hard I try to explain what I am trying to say! Friends are suppose to love you at all times even when you don’t see eye to eye, friends don’t try to hurt you when they think you might reveal their secrets by trying to find out yours and revealing them! My last thought that I wrote a few nights back “Who Can You Trust” has caused quite a stir simply because people read it thinking only of themselves! When they saw that I said that I can’t trust myself, they assumed that I am just going to start revealing secrets or either I have been investigating them just to learn their secrets! If you know me at all and you read what I write, you will know that I use the examples in my life to try to glorify God! That being said, my thought about “Who can you trust?” was being used as an example that if we are going to trust anyone fully and completely-we need to trust God-not people! I was not referring that I couldn’t be trusted (only that I am human) and I have never revealed anything that I have been trusted with! Anyone who thinks I would befriend them does not know me very well and should be ashamed to have gone to the lengths that some have gone through in the last few days just in fear that I would or have already revealed their secrets-some of which I have known more than twenty years! Even if I did reveal anyone’s secrets, which I haven’t and I have no plans to reveal any secrets in the future; but if they were real friends and really trusted me, they would love me regardless (if they ever did) and would not send me messages or call me to try to fool me because they don’t trust me anymore! In fact, some people have such a guilty conscience that they must think I know far more than what I do know or they wouldn’t be concerned that I would tell their secrets and they would be needing a lawyer! I am not talking about friends who call out of concern or even a friend who called to tell me she was going to be a Grandmother; but if any friends called for any other reason-God saw your intentions and He is not pleased! God doesn’t need proof to insure justice is served because God sees every deed we do good or bad, right or wrong! We need to fear God, not man! We will pay for our sins on this side of Heaven if we are saved before we die and we will continue to pay for them in Hell if we are not saved when we die! A guilty conscience leads people to react in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t in fear of the truth being known! I know we are not suppose to hate, but I have always hated a phone with passion! Almost every time someone calls me, it usually only leads to me being aggravated and my blood pressure rising! I know my friends don’t understand me because I never call them but I just hate a phone! I love to talk, but not on a phone! I normally have the phone unhooked everyday if Derrick is at work so I don’t have to deal with the stress and aggravation of dealing with phone calls! Someone once cussed me out and told me that I needed to leave my phone hooked up because they could never get in touch with me and I told them if they wanted to pay the phone bill, then they could tell me when to answer it! They never mentioned it again! I was referring to always trusting God, because you never really know people even when you think that you do! Some of the people who are often recognized for being the greatest citizens or they may even attribute many wonderful things in life publicly; yet they may be the most cruel, hard hearted people behind closed doors! Recently, someone was telling me and another woman about a story that she had been told that was hard for her to believe! She had tears in her eyes as she began to tell the story! The guilty individual had told one of their deep dark secrets because they had a guilty conscience after about thirty-five years and they thought by telling their secret that it would ease their mind! The individual couldn’t live with their secret anymore but they never wanted her to reveal who they were or who their victim was! As she told the story, the other woman started to get teary-eyed too! I didn’t cry because as she told the story, I realized instantly that I had already heard this exact story before and no tears flowed from my eyes! This guilty individual had taken an extension cord and wrapped it up as many times as they could and whipped, beat and abused a little girl about five years old with it until she could barely breath and she finally started throwing up and they quit abusing her! I said, “You didn’t tell the whole story! The little girl whimpered uncontrollably for hours afterwards in pain! And the reason that they kept abusing her and hitting her with the extension cord was because they told her until she stopped screaming, they would only hit her harder and the harder they hit her-the more she screamed! The little girl was honestly in unbearable pain but she was also hoping her screams would encourage someone to help her that was just a short distance away, but they didn’t come to her rescue! Afterwards, the guilty individual brought the little girl a cup of ice and put pop in it for her to drink and told her that they didn’t mean to do it and it was her fault because she wouldn’t quit screaming and hollering-if only she had listened that it wouldn’t have happened and to never tell anyone! That little girl had so many large bruises in the shape of the letter “U” that she had to keep her body completely covered for months in the hot July weather so that other people wouldn’t see the bruises and ask questions!” Then I told them the exact state (not Kentucky) that the individual responsible for this violent act many years ago occurred at when they did this to the innocent little girl! They looked at me surprisingly-How could I know so many details? What a rare coincidence for me to hear this story told because I just happened to run into these two other women and we had no idea we would even see each other that day and be sharing stories that needed prayer! The reason that I knew so many details about this particular story was because I was that little girl!!! I didn’t cry because I was amazed to hear a story being told about me that I never imagined to be told or known to others and they had no idea that the little girl was me! There was someone else there that day that could have helped prevented me from being hurt so badly, but they turned their head and cried instead! I didn’t return home after that trip, I was sent to my Grandpa’s to stay with him and my aunts for awhile! I showed one of my aunts my bruises and made her promise not to tell, but one day someone sat down next to me and grabbed one of my legs and I cried because it hurt so bad! So my aunt told me to stand up-I will never forget it and she pulled my pants down-in front of a room full of people in the living room and they saw my bruised legs! My Grandpa cried and told them to take me to the Doctor but I begged them not too! The moral of the story is those bruises eventually healed and although I went through unbearable pain while being beaten and abused with an extension cord folded together numereous times, the worst pain was the scarring of my heart and mind that nobody could ever see or understand; but I forgave the individual who abused me-they have just never forgiven themselves! You do not have to worry or fear that I would ever reveal your secrets; but when you have a guilty conscience-no matter where you go, how far you travel, how many years pass by, how many people you trust with your secrets or how many people you deceive-you will never to be able to run away from your memories of the wrong you have done to yourself or inflicted upon others unless you allow God to help you forgive yourself! Then you need to ask the one you have wronged to forgive you and whether they do or not-you can do nothing more other than to stop running from a guilty conscience and fearing what others would think of you if they knew the truth! A guilty conscience is nothing more than fear inflicted upon you by Satan for wrongful deeds you have committed throughout your lifetime and a clear conscience is knowing that God has forgiven you for those wrongful deeds and taking away all fear through trusting Him! You can never rewind the past, but you can go forward with the future! You don’t have to tell anyone your secrets, but God knows all your secrets and if you tell God that you are sorry and mean it with all your heart-He will take that guilty conscience and replace it with a clear conscience-you might still have the memories, but you will stop feeling the pain! It is your choice whether you live with a guilty conscience torturing yourself for something you cannot change or if you trust God to keep your secrets safe that you have been forgiven of! When God forgives you of sin, He remembers the sin no more; it is only Satan who brings up your past and reminds you of your sins!!! You might always be considered guilty in the eyes of the world, but you are proven innocent in the hands of the only Judge that counts-God!!!
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 05:42:29 +0000
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