A HEART CONDITIO Muyiwa Afolabi Is this my life, is this all there is to me, you begin to think. You arrive at a point in your life when youre utterly confused and at your very end. You do not know what else to do or how else to work it, you dont even know where and how to turn, youre stuck in a place and situation too hard for you to crack, too tough to cope with and too overwhelming to comprehend. You dont even know the next step to take. Youre too tired, emotionally and psychologically to consider new options or initiatives. You have become devastated, discouraged and shattered to be able to even think again. The world now looks impossible, your life now appears out of your control, you feel all thats left is for you to just float and exist, you think all the principles and advise and ideas successful people share daily are just but a ruse, youre now almost sure this life is a tragedy, your hope is all gone, your faith is failing, no one appears genuine anymore; everything appears just like a maze or a puzzle you can never resolve. You are disappointed. Many times as humans we get inspired and motivated to try new things, new ways, new businesses, new careers and even relationships. We believed weve had it all well thought through, we seek counsel and advice and everyone says its a brilliant idea. You think it over and over again and everyone including the experts say to you no need to fear, its a perfect idea, then you invest, indulge and attempt; suddenly, the perfect exciting idea, commended by everyone and endorsed by experts begin to crumble, unforeseen circumstances and developments truncate the possibility of success. You fight, you work hard, pull every string, run to everyone relevant, campaign, advocate and fight hard to make it work as much as possible but alas, it isnt going to work and you gradually watch every dream and expectation dissolve and vaporise before your very eyes. Youre stunned, to shocked to think, it cant be, definitely its not the end, but trust me, after a few days, youll realise its just the way it is, you have failed. Disappointment has found its way into your case and youre feeling it real bad. Disappointment,mmm Disappointment is when you experience disconnection from an appointed expectation. When what you expect to happen does not happen due to circumstances and developments you didnt foresee, imagine or think existed. Disappointment is most painful when it has its origin in people and not circumstances. Its easier to bear when its a circumstance, but most difficult to take or handle if someone is the cause. When someone you love, trust and respect, makes you a promise and you believe this person so much so, youve jettisoned other options and possibilities on the account of this promise, and at the end of the day, this person you so believed in lets you down with little or no excuse or explanation. You feel so bad considering all the time, effort and trust wasted; everything gone down the drain, you remember other options you ignored and neglected on the account of this promise that has now failed you, and you get so pained. Disappointments can really be devastating depending on the importance of the matter or the investment gone down the drain, probably in cash, emotions, hard work and time. Its painful. Disappointment is when a preferred option out of many fails to deliver; when your appointment is dissolved. The greatest pain could be the fact you had other consideration which you ignored and now you look back in regret especially if one of the considerations you rejected is now working out perfectly. If it has to do with people, youre hurt, they didnt keep their end of the bargain and you begin to lose hope and confidence in people; resentment, offence and at times vengeance may begin to find roots in your heart. Think about this my friend, who has really hurt and disappointed you lately or a long time ago and even now youre struggling to let go? The matter of fact is, this person may have absolutely forgotten about what he or she did to you and theyre free of the matter, the weight of the experience unfortunately still lies with you. Many times when we go through a disappointing experience, most initial reaction is shock and negative surprise. We then recoil into our shells, we find it hard to trust again, we retreat and then conclude everyone is bad and no one can really be trusted. We use the sad experience as a basis for future human interaction and personal vulnerability. Many times when weve been through severe disappointments, it lingers with us so long and so strong people around us can feel it but we never realise it. We assume people cant notice but its so glaring. Most of the time, your opinion, views, perspectives, advocacies, judgements and interactive tendencies keeps mirroring your mind state. What you say, your conclusion on matters and judgements reflects your heart condition. When your heart is bruised based on a disappointing experience, you come across as wronged, offended, bitter, unforgiving, suspicious, arrogant, stuck up, desperate, selfish and often, unfriendly. People can easily see it, everyone can sense it. Everyone then begins to cope with you and chose to tolerate you. If they had a choice theyd rather not want to be with or around you, but if youre family or a colleague, theyre left with no choice. Your heart condition is critical to how people see you and would chose to interact with you. My dear friend, its time to come out of it, come on get over it today. I know they hurt you, I know its painful, you gave so much, sacrificed so much, gave up too much, believed so much, offended many other persons, you did all you could and indeed gave your all, but they treated you bad and didnt appreciate you and all the sacrifice. They felt they earned it or deserved it somehow failing to realise you gave it even though they didnt deserve it, despite all the nasty things they did and said to you, you ignored and kept on keeping on just hoping that one day, the bad times would come to an end and the good times would finally show up, but it was never the case; they walked away and made a scorn of everything you valued, treasured and sacrificed. They were bad, and nasty to you. Yes, I understand, but you see, you must forget the past to move powerfully into a more rewarding and exciting future. It is time my friend to inject a new hope into your life and situation. Stop counting and ruminating over what you think youd lost, start looking again at all youve got and the great things you can still achieve and accomplish with all youve got. You still have a sound mind, hence, you can be creative and can build a most fantastic life for you again for all to see and admire even the very ones who disappointed you. Burst the past and embrace a great future. Its all up to you. Reintroduce yourself to your very best self before that disappointing experience and surge forward in purpose, power, potential and personal possibilities. Dear friend its time to stop expecting others to do for you what you can do for yourself. Yes, feel the pain, acknowledge it, mourn, recover quickly and forget it. When you hold on to pain for a long time it destroys your heart. Id never forget a young lady I counselled a few years ago. Her parents had asked she come see me on the account of marriage; she didnt want to marry the man they all loved and felt was good for their daughter. So I asked this 26 year old pretty lady what the problem was and her first response was ‘the guy has nothing’. I was stunned, ‘this is contrary to what your parents told me, I responded, ‘they said to me this young man is very rich and successful, he has a thriving business in Nigeria and the UK, a house of his own at 32 and several cars’ Yes’ this young lady responded in near desperation, ‘all that I can get for myself, I dont need a man to give me all those things, I have a brain and I have my dreams I can get all that by myself what I need from my man he cant give me, hes insecure and doesnt listen, he talks about himself too much’ Till today I cant get over her very uncommon response. Dear friend, wake up and take responsibility for your life and yourself. Stop running after people to give and do for you what you can get and do for yourself. Take responsibility and I assure you youd face less disappointments. When you lean on people, they let you down. Enjoy your day.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 06:26:23 +0000