A ROMANTIC AFFAIR; MY INSUFFICIENCY, HIS FAITHFULNESS How insufficient I have become. However I hope in the Lord who is my help. I trust in him, he will never abandon me. For once he led me into a deep love with him, where I was bathed with clear waters, where my soul was refreshed with the Purest bread and heart satiated with the best of Wine. When I lived only for the One my heart longs for. When I couldnt wait to die to be united with my love, when I dreamt of him at night and raced to his House in the morning. When all my heart beat, all my words, all my sighs, my gaze of love was sent upward to him. Who led me into the wilderness where I went to seek him (Monastery). Indeed my heart bled for him, my hands were soiled in labour, my mouth spoke his pure words of hope and love. He bathed me, he filled me. I was totally lost in his immensity, I searched for myself, I was lost. All I could see was Gods power wrestling all my weaknesses to strength, my worries to hope, my anger to meekness, my pride to humility, my coldness to great fire of his love. He sat within me, I felt his heat, I was being consumed. It was sweet, it was painful, it was both at the same time. I could scream in pain for my heart was burning up, yet at the same time I felt the touch of his Finger that tenderly caressed my heart; causing his fire to burn away my sins, and fill my heart with such “romantic” sweetness. This Flame of his love was pure, clear, unhindered, He himself silenced all the mouths of Apostles, of evangelists, he himself took speech from the prophets. Since their words began to weary my heart. He himself spoke to me, he spoke to me in his silence. He was still, yet all heated up in activity, he was silent, yet his call was powerful to move my legs to obedience. (His words resounded and never contradicted the words of his bride the Church, his explanations were only on what she teaches, on her glory and the granting of the grace of unflinching faith in her words.) Then I sought the Lord in hidden places, his might revealed to my soul a hidden Garden of his delight, brought me to his hidden chambers where he proposed betrothal to my little soul. I blushed in shyness, for who am I “that the Lord has done me great favour”? He has ravished my heart, luring me to fall in love more and more with him, to never return to my evil, to stick only with him. In return he has promised me peace, strength of will, keenness of mind, above all, he has promised me union with him in heaven. This proposal I have gladly accepted, however my sins, my sins. He finds me broken and in tears every time, touching my head in loving caress, he pours clean water on me, cleanses my soul and kisses me. My eyes, producing the tears which re-baptizes me, finds my heart strengthened. Oh grace unmerited ! Which the great Mother of God obtains for me from her Son. She who herself created me a wonder, bestowing gifts I have not merited upon me; she who has taught me throughout my years of confusion and faith-crisis. When my heart worried, when I wandered off in sin, I could see him searing through this veil , coming in great might to rescue me from death. Indeed, my life has been one of great adventure, having tasted this love with God I hardly wish to go back. Though I have loved and still love, yet my heart seem unsatisfied. I keep yelling MORE MORE. Sometimes I feel I am at risk of having my heart implode within me, but what death would be better ? Lord of my heart, give me more of this love. Take everything I have, waste my life here on earth, even though everything becomes hard and impossible for me, never let this love drain. If I can have the whole world and have you still I may go for that, but if I must choose one, I choose only your love, and everything I reject a million times without regrets or second-thoughts. Only let my heart be immersed in you, let it feel always this heat, let it be bruised again for you, let it bleed, hurt, and at last die for your love. Let my life be one of thanksgiving and love oh Jesus, then at death, may I approach you flaming wildly and uncontrollably with your love ! May the Lord set your heart ablaze with this beautiful love !
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 09:27:21 +0000
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