A Rock, Silly Putty, Hugs and Blood- 2 Nights in Hospital Unexpected “Here Mommy, take my rock!” cries Christopher as Andrew is barrel hugging me with both arms clinched around my neck never to let go. At the same time, Kaitlyn screams with tears pouring down her doll-like face yelling, “Mommy…I am going to miss you! I don’t want you to go!” Katheryn falls asleep in the car bundled with fleece blankets and head resting on a soft pillow. With arms still tight around my neck, Andrew’s face plastered against mine, quietly sobbing his precious tears mumbles, “I miss you Mommy I miss you Mommy I miss you Mommy.” I sigh a huge deep cleansing breath trying to regain my composure and to be as positive as possible telling the sweet ones, “I love you too! So, I will be back home soon. I have to take Sissy to the hospital to help her. She is sick and we need to get her better.” I add, “What color Airhead candy do you want us to bring back for you?”, trying to help change the sadness of the moment and distract from the tension of once again our family being torn apart. I say good-bye, nearly pulling my sweet kiddos off of me, gripping for all the strength of grace I have inside me to turn and walk away from them. It rips me to pieces every time. Loaded in the car, we take off again for the ER the second time in a week after a long and hard day. Leaving my driveway, I sigh wanting to crawl in bed and rest from my beautiful, yet weary day. However, my day was really just beginning, only this time the moon and stars would be my light instead of the brightly shining sun. Earlier this week for two nights and two days Katheryn was gagging, throwing up, hardly drinking or eating, and was very lethargic. She was growing paler and weaker, and intuitions were telling me something was not right-“get to the hospital and check it out”. After calling two different doctors who confirmed my suspicions, we were off to the ER. The night in the ER was long, full of waiting, throwing up, sick kids passing by in hallways, x-rays, spilled coffee, crying babies, port lines, needle pokes, blood draws, fluids, and my greatest surprise came later- a blood transfusion. I was absolutely exhausted by the time we got to our Aflac Hospital Room at nearly 2:00 in the morning. Exhaustion from procedures, consults, emotions, and physical weariness. Almost as soon as I walked in, I was told Katheryn needed a blood transfusion and the consent papers needed to be signed after talking to the doctor. The transfusion would take almost 3 hours. Her hemoglobin counts were way below normal range. She needed more oxygen and nutrients added to her system and more fluids to combat her dehydration. Oh my goodness! A blood transfusion is something you hope to never have in life, right? Well, I found myself on the phone with Ben, pleading with our Father for protection, healing, the perfect blood, and rest from her pain and fears. Even in the midst of awful, God is good and God is Sovereign. In the craziness of the night in the ER when I was feeling a bit undone, I reached into my pants pocket and felt something hard. It was the rock that my son, Christopher, had quietly placed in my hand before we left from home and said, “Here Mommy”. I clutched the rock and found my fingers rubbing the surface of it. It was rough in texture and yet had a beautiful pattern on it with colors of pink and gray. The first thought that came to me was “God is my rock, and so I can stand”. In that brief silent moment in my world of thoughts, I knew I could do this with Katheryn.. I knew I was not alone in my exhaustion. Life flows from another source other than myself. I looked at Katheryn, showed her the rock and told her how Christopher had given it to me, and how God is our rock. It was as though I was chanting with David Psalm 61: “From the end of the earth I call to You, when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” The rough texture of the rock is like the hardness of life we are going through, and the gorgeous pattern is like the Lord saying, “the rough places, I will make smooth” like in Isaiah 42. Another precious moment happened that shown God’s Sovereignty in a mighty and profound way. I was blessed today by the presence of a Dad I met in the Family Lounge while grabbing another cup of coffee (most likely my 4th or 5th cup by then☺). He told me the story of his 19-year old son, Michael, who was born with sickle cell. He looked at me at one point in his story with sincere and divine conviction and said, “I am blessed and I have more peace because of living this journey than I would without walking it. My son is…amazing and he is so strong…and teaches me so much.” We talked about the life of Paul in the Scriptures, and how we both are coming to understand his writings like never before- living differently with a different perspective. Later in the day, it made me think of the times when Paul said, “I rejoice in my afflictions (Colossians) and then James when he said, ”I consider it pure joy to face trials”. Even though pain is not fun, and often breaks the body, it only makes the spirit and soul stronger. It’s in the brokenness where true peace, life, strength, joy is found! I love Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Perhaps one of the most beautiful moments today in the hospital was watching Katheryn become overwhelmed with God’s Sovereign love as she opened a letter Christopher had written to her. Ben came to visit the room tonight and brought videos that Christopher had made for Katheryn in hopes to cheer her up and let her know they were all missing her terribly at home. The letter he wrote for her was adorned with her favorite color ribbon, and as she opened and read the first few lines…her eyes filled with tears as she begged me to continue reading. It was if Gods love from Himself was pouring out from Christophers words, oozing from the unsealed envelope. She was so overwhelmed by love from Christopher that it caused her to weep beautifully. We all know that Christopher’s love is really an expression of God’s love. He is merely the vessel through which God’s love pours forth. We all are vessels, containing and expressing God’s love. Oh, how God’s love pours out upon us in the same way as it poured upon Katheryn. Not just occasionally like an opening of a letter. But, it flows freely ALL the time like a mighty rushing river whose current is out of control. You know the sound that a river like that makes? It’s so loud yet so soothing at the same time- such peace in the strength. God’s love too, is out of control crazy loud for us! From the Beautiful Hymn written by Edward Mote (1797-1974) “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less”: ‘My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus name. On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand.’
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 04:21:10 +0000
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