A SNIPPET FROM MY BOOK ~ "Life According to the Sip & Knit Ladies" “It’s all right dear; I don’t think anyone really noticed.” “Oh, they noticed all right, “Adeline confirmed sliding her eyes in Jerrilou and Hugh’s direction. “ Jerrilou looks like she could spit 9mm bullets.” “What do you know about 9mm bullets?” Olma May growled beneath her breath still swiping at droplets of sweet tea left behind in Elsie’s wake. “Well, I know a lot about them if you must know, Ms. Grumpy Britches.” Adeline countered. “I happen to own a silver plated 9mm pistol with a pearl handle. Would you like to see it?” Adeline reached for her handbag sitting on the floor. “Are you crazy? No I don’t want to see it!” Olma May hissed. “What are you doing carrying around gun, Addie?” Marty’s mouth had dropped open again and she was staring openly at Adeline. Olma May sunk down into her chair. “You just never know when you are going to need a gun, Olma May.” “I will NEVER need a gun, Addie. Only criminals carry around guns.” “Well now, that is just not true. Lots of people carry handguns - for protection.” If a spider had crawled into Marty’s open mouth just then she would have not noticed. She was absolutely speechless, taking in the frantic whisper conversation Addie and Olma May were having. Adeline was the sweetest most levelheaded person she knew. Sure, she liked to gossip, but who didn’t? She could not believe that Adeline carried a gun in her purse! A gun! “Have you ever shot that gun, Addie?” Olma May demanded. “Of course I have. I had to learn to use it, so I took a gun safety class a few years ago.” “Years ago?” Olma May whisper screeched. “Yes, when I bought the gun I signed up for gun safety classes and I passed with top marks from my instructors.” “So you’re an expert marksman?” Marty voice had apparently returned. Olma May glared across the table at her. “She is not a marksman, Marty; she’s a lunatic carrying around a deadly weapon!” “I am not a lunatic Olma May.” Adeline replied defensively, her voice a little louder necessary. “And my Sadie is not a deadly weapon!” She plopped down in her chair heavily. “You named your gun?” Marty whispered. She was astonished. “Of course I named my gun,” Adeline explained patiently. “If I ever find myself in a threatening situation I can say to my assailant, ‘You don’t want me to call in Sadie now do you?’ This question will confuse the bad guy—or girl—which will give me time enough to pull Sadie out of my purse and wham!" She banged her hand on the table for emphasis, "I have the upper hand!” “You have completely lost your mind Addie!” Olma May said incredulously. She was no longer whispering. “Maybe I should get a gun,” Marty contemplated, still in awe that the mild-mannered Adeline carried around a secret weapon. “You do not need a gun Marty,” said Olma May authoritatively. Their salads had long been forgotten, as had Jerrilou and Hugh. “I disagree with you Olma May. Marty, if you would like, I can fix you up with my people.” “Your people?” Olma May could not believe her ears. “Now you have people?” “Well good lord, Olma May, how do you think I got my gun?” Adeline was shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “Of course I have people. It would probably be a good idea for you to meet with them too.” “I certainly will not!” Olma May was desperately trying to get Elsie’s attention. “You will not get me near a gun. Ever.” “I’d like to talk to your people, Addie.” Marty said quietly. “This is ridiculous. Where is that hostess when you need her?”
Posted on: Wed, 17 Jul 2013 20:26:48 +0000
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