A casual conversation between a m other and her son on the patio with the breeze blowing talking about some changes that could soon be changing for him. Noah is wanting to try public school again as long as its a small school so while we have him enrolled in the home school program we have put our application in waiting to see if there is room for him in the school we have chosen. I thought that he would be enthused about the idea of going back to school and making new friends and having the opportunity to be invited to birthday parties and fun school events and what not but instead the conversation took a sudden turn as he changed the topic and began to speak. He said Mom, I just got done watching a show on tv about a woman that had cancer, It was really bad the worst you could have and she was prepared to go to Heaven but God healed her. Why wont God heal you and why didnt he heal Grampa? I told him son, Grampa lived many years and wanted and was ready to go to Heaven. Then he interupted me and said and you? Why wont he heal you? Why wont he let us have our mom back? I told him that I didnt have the answer but every day I am still alive, God has healed me in some way. He told me he was an inch worth of anger with God for doing this to me. I casually ended the conversation. You see, i dont think that God did this to me. I just think that there is a purpose for the bad and the good times. I do have good days. It just seems that this season of my illness is taking its toll on my body and it is becoming apparent to everyone in our home or anyone who visits our home. I cannot change the things that happen to my body. I cant make them better. I cant make them go away. What I can do is have the attitude and mind set that I have to be ok with this and I will rejoice in this in hoping that it has spared one person from experiencing it. One day either here on earth or in heaven, I will have all of my teeth and they will not be falling out in chunks, I will not be riddled with sores and look like a connect the dot game and I will have balance and grace. I will be beautiful. I look forward to that day so perhaps that is what keeps me going. I am not as angry as perhaps I should be. I am just hopeful in believing that beauty will meet me and my children will have their mother 100% of the time and not have to rely on others for things that they need their mom for. I know that day is coming. I know my life is full of purpose and I also know that my life is full of potential. I know these things because I have faith that can move mountains.
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 05:32:58 +0000
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