A common trait in the Gaita family is their love for sharing knowledge. I have told you how my sister was kind enough to share the Accident Child theory with me at a young age (refresher course for those who missed : accident child is that child whos spaced too far apart from the rest e.g. If you are the last born in your family and there is an age difference of 4 plus years between you and your sibling). Anyway being that I was quite the accident child, the legit ones went to great lengths to avoid me. They claimed I had a big mouth and couldnt be trusted to keep any secrets . But seriously isnt the mouth for talking and eating only??? Anyhow thats how I grew up with parents for bffs. A sad state of affairs really.I stalked them everywhere (every Saturday Mr.G had to take me to work with him. Till we discovered the library and he could dump me there and have some few hours of freedom). Now Mrs.G. Only two people in this world have real super powers : Teachers and Mothers. They can tell a lot just by looking at you. They smell a lie even before you think it up. Now imagine having a teacher for a mother. An African mother. You develop superpowers of your own. You know when about a slap is about to land on you, but you also know trying to run away will multiply that slap to mwikos. You go visiting at a friends house, you are offered more mandazis and instead of saying no thank you, you greedily take . And your mother looks at you smiling. And just like that you know to expect a few slippers the minute you get home . My love hate relationship with food started a long time ago. I was quite the chubby kid.My mother once said if anyone dropped me I wouldnt get hurt, I would just roll like a tank (said in Kikuyu so it was 10 times meaner) My mothers solution to everything was food. To this day , it still is. Typical lunch for me was liver , avocado and lunch money to buy chips.So I developed a survival tactic before she killed me with food, sincr Wangu was not around to eat it for me.I started doing homework in my room as I ate. But what I was really doing was stuffing the food in paperbags and throwing it under the bed. Genius plan. And it worked quite well for sometime . Up until one Saturday when I forgot to throw away the food before leaving with Mr.G. I had such a nice day, came back home in the evening, everything was ok, even my room had been cleaned for me. Food was served and I went to eat in my room as usual. A few mins later my mom came to check and was impressed I had eaten so fast. She asked for my plate. Extra clean. Kwani umekula mpaka mfupa? I said haikuwa na mfupa. Very calmly she went under the bed and retrieved the stash. All I remember was slaps and mwikos. The food was put back on the plate and I was ordered to eat hata mifupa. Mr.G tried to play Kofi Annan but he was silenced with a look. So as I ate my recycled food I was taught about famine and drought and how they are killing people in certain certain parts of the country, and how my mom grew up eating boiled bean LEAVES, not beans, and about anorexia nervosa. Those are not lessons I I am likely ever to forget. Which is why when to this day I tell her how stressed I am and she tells me -kuja tukakule chips na kuku base, I never say no. Who knows she might be hiding a mwiko under her skirt. Today is her Birthday and this woman still instills the fear of God in me. She managed to tame Wangu. What cant she do?
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 07:02:00 +0000
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