A few chuckles to start the day.... What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. -- Oscar Levant Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESNT KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmers field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESNT WORK) Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya think? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now thats taking things a bit far! Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos! Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! If Strike Isnt Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean theres something stronger than duct tape? Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Werent they fat enough?! Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Thats what he gets for eating those beans! Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through The Eyes Of The deadmau5Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:14:53 +0000