A few days ago, I stopped at the Red Box outside of Walgreens to rent The Lego Movie (I am not ashamed... I am also not ashamed that it made me cry... Shut up...). While sauntering up to the Red Box, an older, heavyset, gentleman with an impressive white beard, sporting jorts and a t-shirt with a wolf on it began hobbling toward me shouting, Dollar! Dollar! Dollar! Startled, I surveyed the area around him and myself. My initial thought was that he was a psychopath heading haphazardly in my direction with intent to slaughter me outside of a Walgreens in broad daylight. Then, I saw the oxygen tank he was clutching, and also the dollar bill fluttering around his feet as if the wind chose to be a bully to someone who already doesnt have the best luck with things air-related. I yelled, I GOT IT! in a dibs-esque tone, even though none of the 14 jackasses walking around us seemed to notice or care that this man was going through some hardcore inner turmoil. I swooped down and snatched it up like a boss and handed it to the now smiling man and said, Here ya go, buddy. We beat the wind today. He replied, We sure did! That was very nice of you, young man. You have a great one. I told him to do the same and then embarked on my movie-hunt. A minute later, DVD in hand, I turned around to see my new, giant friend behind the wheel of a humongous, green and blue, 1995 Astro Van, parked highly illegally about 10 feet from me. I jumped a few miles off the Earth and loudly gasped. Seeing and hearing me react like a teenage girl in a horror movie, my old giant barked out a deep, hearty laugh and said, Didnt mean to scare ya, little fella! Just makin sure nothing bad happened to ya out here. We gotta keep you good people safe; there aint enough of ya. I might not be as quick as I used to be, but Im still a good shot, and Ill fire my oxygen tank at the first bastard I see touch you! Ill watch ya till you get in your car. Thanks again for helping me beat the wind! He nodded, shook his dollar in the air, watched me until I got into my car safely, and then drove away with his big, meaty, sure-fire, cannon-like arm waving at me out his window. I hope that man raised a huge family. He may think the world needs more people like me, and I feel exactly the same about him. Thanks for making my entire week, big guy. Stay awesome, whoever you are.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 13:26:47 +0000
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