A few terrifying moments ago, I came around the corner of an aisle in 7-Eleven and found myself face to face with what used to be a woman. I let out a high-pitched yelp and jumped four inches into the air as I looked dead into the face of a plastic surgery nightmare. I could tell that at one point in time what I was looking at used to be an attractive woman, but now, I was gazing at a durable piece of Tupperware that had been stung by a thousand bees and left out in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. I instantly sent my parents text messages thanking them for including me in their gene pool. I know Im not perfect, and nobody is, but holy crap, be thankful for what nature has blessed you with and just own it. Nothing is more beautiful than confidence, and nothing is uglier than turning yourself into something from the SyFy Network. If youre ever feeling down, please call me or text me and I will list at least ten positive things about your face and body before you pay a butcher to destroy your natural hotness.
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 20:34:12 +0000
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