A few weeks ago I was watching a Nollywood movie based on a village hunter who was in love with a beautiful damsel in his village. The pretty young girl was so attractive and responsible hence, many young men in the village were interested in marrying her. However her father was more interested in marrying her off to an educated young man from the city. This hunter was desperately in love with this girl he did everything he could to impress her and the parents. On an occasion he brought for this family a very big grass cutter from his hunt. On another occasion, bush meat, then lastly he brought for this girls mother a female goat. The girl and the mother were so impressed by the generosity of this desperate hunter hence for them he instantly became a first choice. In their opinion the educated young man from the city may have the exposure but lacks the good and generous gesture of the village hunter. The young girl and her mother couldnt get over the gift of a female goat; whats more; they discovered the goat was pregnant. They were so happy, so grateful and excited about the gift – a pregnant female goat. You see my mind wonders in funny ways at times and I began to imagine a similar scenario in Lagos. A young man trying to win the love of a girl for instance at the University of Lagos and on her birthday he decides to buy her a pregnant female goat; to be delivered at her room in Moremi hostel at the University of Lagos. A pregnant female goat and a lovely card tied around its neck saying ‘to you my sweetheart on your birthday with all my love always’ – what do you think would be her reaction? Rejoicing and dancing like the girl in the movie? Im not sure. Dear friend, many of us today are so unhappy and are confused about what really make us happy because we have lost ourselves. We dont know anymore what our lives mean to us; our fun, values and priorities. Over the years we have allowed our environment dictate to us what should make us happy. We have allowed our critics chose for us what should make us happy. Our parents have imposed on us what will make them happy as what should also make us happy too. The environment has reprogrammed our lives and influenced our minds and select for us objects, situations and scenarios that should make us happy. The environment has disregarded our individual differences and provided a general template for happiness. Sadly, what we see today are many people who pretend to be happy about things they are not really delighted about, but pretend because the society expects such an occurrence should make them happy. Some weeks ago my colleague was telling me about a lady who was in love with some guy and theyve been in a relationship for many years and just a year before their agreed wedding date, a childhood friend to this lady suddenly returned from the US as a medical practitioner, rich and very successful. He showed interest in this lady and immediately her friends and family began to pressure her to dump the other guy and marry the Doctor from the US. She eventually bowed to the pressure especially from her parents and married the Doctor. Almost immediately after the wedding she became sad, grumpy and full of regrets. The money, success, and achievements of this Doctor didnt bring the happiness people told her she would find. She was lonely, bored and so much longed for the moments she shared with her former boyfriend even though he wasnt as rich and was still struggling. Unfortunately the marriage packed up after about a year, she returned to her parents in Nigeria with a daughter and her marital life was jeopardized. Why? She disdained her own true measure of happiness for what the society presented to her as happiness. Happiness is a very personal thing, what makes us happy vary from individual to individual, it is not generic. Many today are unhappy because they are desperately trying to impress their critics and live by the critics prescription for happiness. You want their approval, their acceptance and you want to belong. You go to places you dont like, hang out with people you dont like, take on dangerous habits, spend monies you dont have and invest time you dont have because youve been told its the key to happiness. What is the real key to happiness? I think its being you. Accepting you and loving yourself. Knowing what makes you happy and living by your own principles. Stop chasing the world, stop wearing what you hate, stop acting outside of yourself and embarrassing yourself. Youve never lived in the US yet you have an American accent, youre not used to some kind of delicacies yet force yourself to eat them so as not to appear different or local, later your tummy begins to run. My friend, stop trying to be what youre not, stop trying to be like other people because you think being like them is happiness. Run your own race, embrace your own vision, create your own style dont spend your life trying to win over your critics, youll never succeed, but if you eventually succeed at being you, they will come to respect you. Your destiny is not in the hands of your critics and it should not be determined by your critics. Dont be too sensitive or overly worried about the opinions of others especially if you know youre doing the right thing and enjoying it. Laugh at yourself, make fun of yourself, and dont let issues get to you or weigh you down. Trying to live up to recommended standards especially in things that dont really matter takes away your happiness. Happiness is a personal thing; fulfilment is a personal thing stop living other peoples lives. You dont have to work in a particular sector or a particular company to be happy. Happiness at work goes far beyond the reputation and size of the organisation. I have met many people who work in top notch oil companies, telecom companies and banks that really hate their jobs and are so unhappy. And I know some people working in small firms – one man businesses and are so excited and happy they dont want to close, they dont even want the jobs in the so called big establishments, they are happy where they are. I tell you many people working in these big establishments only take pride in their IDs and show off to people working in less reputable organisations. Many of them are not truly happy working in those places. In fact I know some smaller companies with better pay packages than some of these big companies at certain levels. Dont be deceived, work where you like and do what you like, enjoy your work and be happy doing it. Dont be a people pleaser and dont try impressing others at your own expense. When youre doing what you like and enjoying it, youll be more passionate, committed and productive, hence your performance would be outstanding and excellence obvious. This will accelerate your promotion and frequency of reward. Stay in your zone, enjoy yourself, create your style, and retain your happiness. Everyones got the right to their opinion; dont let another persons opinion be your sad reality. Make up your mind to be happy and stick with the decision. Avoid people and colleagues that want to impose their lifestyles on you. Be yourself and remain happy. I love music for instance, my favourite secular musicians of all time are Shaina Twain, Cyndi Lauper, John Legend and Tupac Shakur and in Nigeria, Sound Sultan ASA and Beautiful Nubia. Theyre the ones i like, its my business, you dont have to like them, its not even debate able, these guys entertain me, I love them, they make me happy, you dont have to like them. Happiness is being your true self, no pretense, no facade, no drama, and hey whats wrong with a female goat for a birthday present? Ha ha ha.Enjoy your day.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 23:13:01 +0000
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