A few years ago, I had a very embarrassing medical type problem (Noo get your mind out the gutter) . I went off the Dr and explained in very nice terms what was wrong. He ( without any examination) , referred me to the surgeon. I then dash off to the surgeon who does examine, and matter of factly tells me, no problem, theatre and we shall fix this. Nothing to be ashamed of, Piles is rather common. I absolutely adore hospitals - Not!! Ooh he can do it tomorrow, Im like uhm wait uhm I need time to pysce myself up. The following morning Im at the hospital at some ungodly hour - no breakfast, no coffee, no smokes, no coffee... did I mention no coffee. I awaken a few hours later, and who do I see?? The friendly face of my paramedic buddy, and I hear him telling the nurse to insert a catheter and some other hideous torture type things, while laughing the evil laugh. Awhile later the Dr comes past, how am I? Im still numb, so all good thanks! The op went well, only 6 stitches - OMG say what??? You can go home as soon as you have been to the loo and uhm passed stool is the nice way of saying it. Sounds simple enough... i got this! The next day I feel the urge to go.... so I hobble off to the loo. feel a tad sore in the rear region, but not bad. I remove what looks like an enormous female sanitary pad and come across the biggest piece of elasta type plaster I have ever seen in my life. It covers the entire expanse of my delicate derriere. I gently peel one corner off and begin to pull. Starts off ok until I get to the first bit of hair ( bum fluff me thinks). I continue yanking until I have tears in my eyes. I ponder my options.. ok Im going to give one almighty yank... gonna hurt but it will be done. Legs wide apart, my head bent forward to get the best view... i hold my breath and yank. OMG!! I must have passed out, because when my eyes cleared, I was on the floor of the toilet.... i put my hands between my legs and find the #*@#*@$#% plaster still there. I managed to get the door open and crawl back towards my room. Half way down the passage, a nurse screams and comes running. She helps me to my feet, all the while Im telling her its ok. I look back down the passage and see a blood trail worthy of Holywood lol. Back into theatre to re stitch and this time Noooooo super hero resistant type plaster cover. .......
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 16:43:41 +0000
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