A few years ago, he called in to my office phone and asked if I could meet him outside at his car….said he wanted to show me something…. It was not odd for my father to call and request this, as he for many years was also the head of the agency that I work for….since my parent’s divorce after 45 years of marriage, this was usually our only communication…..I won’t go in to the dirty details as with any story there are many sides and this story really is about something more personal….. Growing up I, like any other son, often sought approval from my parents… especially my father….after many attempts at this, that, and the other thing….finally something stuck……music……..now my sister was the musician in our family, to which I would never, ever, argue…..in fact she was a huge reason for my initial interest……well…..her, Ace Frehley, Eddie Van Halen, Jimi Hendrix and many more…… I wanted to play guitar like them….my mother bought me an acoustic for my birthday soon after and I was on my way…..over these many years, I never ever have had the fun that I had learning to play, making the most God awful sounds at first but eventually making it scream, sing, cry, and most importantly….mine…….I could play……I have played in about every situation that can be imagined….. Clubs, big stages, small stages, studios, for money, for beer, for laughs, for boos and applause, sometimes both…… but most importantly…..for me……again, my ability, my talent, my passion…….. never seem to impress my family much, if at all, but I understood why…..I wasn’t famous…..I never made much money doing it and what I played was very far from what they referred to as music……I have no recollection of anyone in my family ever coming to see me play, but again I hold no grudge, the majority of the places I played were not somewhere that good southern Christian folks would find themselves caught dead at on a Friday or Saturday night…….it was my dream and mine alone…..so when you become responsible for others…..dreams turn into something more…..practical…..but….I would not change a thing, and that’s not what this is really about……it was more of a mere acknowledgement from those involved that although a dream……….it was still mine to have…..my father never acknowledged my playing one way or another……it was like I had never picked up an instrument ……like it never happened…….even though I gave up the dream of being as successful as my childhood heroes many, many years ago……. I never have given up the study of and pure enjoyment I receive from placing my hands on those strings…….. So that day………. I got up from my desk and made my way outside, as I approached, he got out of his car and opened the back door and said to me.....”Take a look at this and tell me what you think” I pause here to point out how I felt as my eyes went to the backseat of his car….it was a most familiar sight for me…….I literally began to feel my chest expand….with each step closer I became increasingly ecstatic….it was like everything was moving in slow motion………clean, blonde, that familiar female form, shiny in all the right places…….I am sure I looked like a complete douchebag to anyone looking on at this point…. He reached in and pulled out the acoustic guitar and handed it to me and said “What do you think?”….The emotions at that moment were building and as I glanced over the guitar I felt myself becoming overwhelmed…..after all these years to have that acknowledgement from someone…..from him…. I looked down the neck, gave it a quick tuning, plucked out a partial tune, and kept my eyes from looking at his……..It was a used Taylor lower line acoustic with a bit of wear with an odd sticker placed the front of it…..….but to me…………….again he asked ……”What do you think?”……I fumbled to say anything but got out that it was very nice and played well……then he said…..”Well my stepson has been asking for one and his birthday is coming up, so I found this one and wanted to get your opinion.” It was not for me……the guitar…….the long awaited acknowledgement…….was not mine………. What I have learned since that day……… what has been truly my sustenance…….. is that the acknowledgment that I have always sought from my family, my ex, from everyone that I sacrificed MY dream for………is that when I place my fingers on the strings……and the sound of my dream begins to sing……….THAT….is my acknowledgement……that is my thank you…..that is my comfort when I am alone……..and that…..this…….is my Love.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 21:03:01 +0000