A handset conversation ME. ( yawning ) Who is this? CALLER. Its me ME. Who is me? CALLER. Its me. ME. ( mute ) CALLER. Hello, hello, hello. Are you there? ME. ( agitated ) Mr. Me, this is Tares Anambulonkon. It appears you dialed the wrong number. CALLER. Tares what? ME. Anambulonkon. CALLER. When did you become an IBO. ME. Its a title. CALLER. Title?! ME. Yes. I acquired it at the last Eke market. Sorry, are you a titled caller? CALLER. No. I cannot go by such Anam titles. ME. How did you come by this number? This number is for titled men only. CALLER. Your girlfriend. ME. ( mute ) CALLER. Hello, hello. ME. And by what title did she tell you she is known for? CALLER. She didnt say. ME. Go, and ask her then call back. ( presses red button ) Handset beeps continually. ME. ( picks call angrily) why are Nigerians like this? Did she tell the title? CALLER. Who? ME. Are you okay? CALLER. Look Tares, we have an emergency case at hand. Stop being clarus. ME. Emergency. I dont remember that poem anymore. If you want me to recite it to save your broken heart, you need to do me a favour by honouring my Anambulonko title first, then come to my place early tomorrow morning with whoever needs the emergency. CALLER. ( hisses) consider yourself out of the poetry prize. ME. What? Please, forgive my dumbness. You mean you are one of the judges of the prize? CALLER. Yes. I am barrister Barrick Youpele. ME. Jesus! CALLER. Anambulonkon. ME. Tares banigoe oburumu please. CALLER. Are you not Anambulonkon? ME. Perish the name, perish the title. CALLER. Sure? ME. I have never been surer all my life. Tell me, have I won the prize? CALLER. Almost. ME. Yeeeaaaah CALLER. As I said earlier, almost. You have to pay in the coughing sum of $16000 to my account first thing tomorrow morning. ME. To which of the banks? CALLER. Global Micro Finance Bank at Elelewon. ME. Porthacourt?! CALLER. Yes. ME. I have not been to PH! CALLER. How do you know Elelewon is in Porthacourt? ME. I have an uncle that lives there who go by the name Elelewon. CALLER. Send the money to him then. He will make the payment in your behalf. ME. I dont trust him. CALLER. Get the money to me by all means if you want to beat your opponent. ME. May I know who my opponent is? CALLER. The money is your opponent. ME. No. You cant be serious. CALLER. Then forget it. ME. Sorry. CALLER. Mr. Anambulonko Tares. This is our chance to prove to the world that the Ijaws too are a brilliant people. If you dont want us to make history, forget it. ME. The price of your history is exorbitant. Its in dollars. why not naira or kobo? CALLER. Okay then. How much can you pay? ME. Give me time to talk my editor into this. CALLER. Bye. Your opponent is Harry, son to Donald Duke Obasi Tunde Dangote. ME. Chai. I have lost it again. we have lost it again. * this play upon play comes off my wistful thinking. No undertone*
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 17:24:51 +0000
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