A humorous look at how we police perceive police members in other countries, provinces and units! I have policed fairly widely, certainly not in all, but have conducted policing in various area’s of SA and witnessed closely policing in certain others as well as abroad. We in the South African Police Service consider ourselves as tough resolute no nonsense police members, under resourced or at the very least forced to make things work with the minimum, we tend to pride ourselves on being the pit-bull’s of the police world (you know beat us, tease us, hurl insults at us, but come running for help when the burglars jump over the garden wall) I speak for myself with these impressions but do base it on my observation of other police members. This is satire. For those of you who are over sensitive, prone to butt hurt and easily insulted, don’t read this. Our perception of our foreign brothers and sisters is certainly guided by our media fueled preconception but roughly I would say we view them as follows. Italian Police, what, Italy has police, who would have thunk it? French Police, they are the chaps who always pull the girls over and work with the Albanian organized crime, ironically they came to teach us riot control then applied the SA smack and shoot techniques to resolving their own riots. British Police, stop or I will shout stop again, but I will only shout stop if Health and Safety has approved shouting stop, otherwise I will loudly whisper stop. German Police, where is the manual for the correct procedure to conduct toilet breaks? NYPD (New York) If they are going to open fire, everyone should hide behind the suspect! Their SWAT teams don’t know if they want to be cops, firemen or paramedics. They are all jealous of their firemen. Detroit PD, Have Browning high powers, start their shift with the crazy frog song! All act like Eddie Murphy! LAPD, that is where SWAT came from! Any police officer in Texas, CHUCK NORRIS! Any other Southern State Police Officer, Sherriff Buford T Justice Any other Northern State Police Officer, Lt Mauser With South Africa, being such a diverse country, I have noted some definite characteristics in policing the various areas. The rural area’s of the Western Cape, you better be willing to fight. It seems that every person in any community in the Western Cape loves to trade punches, this is only superseded by the love for cars. You can serve warrants on houses or shebeens but try and confiscate a car, write a ticket or make a drunk driving arrest in the Western Cape and you better be ready to stand behind your fists! Also Western Cape Senior Officers love b crime stats, make 100 serious offense arrests in a month and your station commissioner will still give you grief on your lack of b crimes. Do you think they print those J534’s for fun? In Cape Town and the Cape Town Metropole the policing is more by the book, at least during day shifts, at night you better love car chases, Night time in Cape Town brings out the Schumacher in EVERYONE! I think this is because no one can see the mountain. In KZN you better love to shoot! Nowhere have I seen as many shooting at police as in KZN. Officer please help me get this cat out the tree so I can shoot at you, with my AK Four Seven! In Johannesburg, look up, watch out for falling dishwashers! Policing here is the most like the gritty 80’s police shows but with Nigerian crooks and no mustaches. Here it is all about chasing the radio! Pretoria, the most book bound of any of the policing area’s I have ever worked, weird. The closer to the coconut tree the more danger to be hit by pigeon shit! Even some of the SAPS units have their own identities and characters. Sometimes that character can be expressed in a phrase: Special Task Force, Superman, Batman, Ironman and Flash Gordon, none of them are tough enough to make this grade! NIU, frustrated that we are not allowed to wear cool camo uniforms. TRT, if we cant break it, beat it, shoot it or kill it, then we are not needed. VIP Unit, get out of our way, we are late for the staff meeting….ergh sorry politicians in transit! K9, RIM HOM! (Rim is the command for the dog to attack) Flying Squad, how do you dudes walk with those combat jackets? You look like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters, until the first shot is fired, then its SEND THE FLYING SQUAD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send the FLYING SQUAD! Equestrian Unit, ticks (bosluise) shit machines! Publics Favorite! Air wing, do these sunglasses frame my face properly? Please don’t forget to pack a mirror in your flight bag! Water Wing, where is my life jacket! oops wait there are two clouds in the sky, it is to rough to go to sea. POPS, roll out the barrel, we will have a barrel of fun! The true heavies but when the stones come flying everyone looks for the riot squad! CID, yes we are police, but we mainly do paperwork. Organized Crime, yes we are detectives but as soon as the camera’s stop rolling, we give our paperwork to Station CID. Crime Intelligence, we are so secretive we write our names with erasures. Crime Intelligence Analysis Centre, know one, including ourselves, knows what we actually do. National Head Office, really a statement, what’s that? A docket, never heard of it! Police arrest people? I thought we just collected salutes and stuff? PTI, Had your sense of humour surgically removed at birth? a natural sadist? then yes the PTI department wants you! College Instructors, now class, when we patrol the streets of “cloud cuckoo land” this is what we will do! Again as I said some truth, mainly humour. If you have any more please add. If you are a police officer from elsewhere please share your perceptions of the SAPS and of course other police forces. I originally posted this on a SAPS Facebook group I help administer. Bryan
Posted on: Wed, 02 Apr 2014 13:15:54 +0000
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