A little over 6 years ago I made a life changing decision. Some people know my story. I don’t tell a lot of people because I always felt I needed to hide in shame. With the news lately and things that have been being said I felt it was time I laid it all out there. Not because I want to get sympathy or I want attention. If you know me, you know I hate the spotlight. I want others to know because maybe it might help someone else. I was in a very verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with a controlling guy. I lost friends, I barely saw my family, and I lost myself. I became this person that I didn’t recognize. Looking back at it now I can’t believe that I thought this was how the rest of my life would be. I became defeated. He was all I had because he isolated me from everyone else that I loved and trusted. Why did I stay? Honestly, I didn’t think I had a choice. I was afraid. The relationship didn’t start this way. I thought he would change. I even went so far as to think it was my fault. I was causing all the problems and causing him to treat me the way he did. I thought that if I tried to leave he would hurt me or worse, hurt people I love. I wanted to ask for help, but I was ashamed. I didn’t want people to look at me and wonder how I could let some guy do this to me. So instead I pretended I was happy and that losing all my friends was my choice and it was their fault for not supporting me. Deep down though I was slowly dying inside. I finally hit a breaking point. The point where I knew that if I stayed this was bound to get worse. I would end up dead because one day he would come through on his promise to kill me. It never got physical with him but I am sure I was only weeks or even days away from that. I would plan in my head every single detail of escaping. I knew exactly down to a T how I would do it. This was something I thought about constantly. I just didn’t have a way out. Until I got a phone call that changed everything. Why did I leave? I found my strength and courage and knew I needed to get out. The reason I found all this was because one of the best friends I have ever known, Barry Jelinek, reached out to me. I had an out. I had someone that knew what was going on with me. Nobody else knew because I chose to hide it. Barry made me feel like I had that courage all along I just needed a nudge in the right direction. He saved my life. He is truly my hero. Just a couple weeks after our phone conversation I finally got to set my plan in motion. I got out and I left everything behind me including everyone I ever knew and loved. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I still remember that day I saw my mom and dad when I stopped at their house to grab some last minute things before I left from Connecticut to Nebraska. I wanted to break down and tell them. It took everything I had not to fall into their arms and just have them hold me. I wasn’t sure when I would get to see them again. Linda Wills, I know you are still upset with me for not telling you. I want you to know that I wanted to. I just couldn’t. It isn’t that I didn’t think you and dad would be able to help me. As a matter of fact I know that if you knew mom, you would have gone and kicked down his door and kicked the crap out of him for me. It was because at the time, I was weak. If I stayed there was a possibility that I would have went back to him when he came looking for me. I know that sounds incredibly stupid but at that time I was still not completely myself. I also want you both to know that part of the reason I had the strength to leave was because you guys raised me to know that I deserve better. That I am a strong person and I deserve happiness. I deserve to be as happy as you both are together Brian Wills and Billy Wills, you both played a part as well. I thought of you guys all the time and wanted to so badly tell you what was going on with me. When I was at my breaking point with him I thought about calling you guys and seeing if you are your friends would come help me because I know you guys would do anything for me and I would do anything for you guys. Knowing you guys love me so much is what gave me more strength. Jackieisapunk Judyisarunt, Danielle Truelove, Stacey Deveikas Adam Johnson. You guys are the most amazing people I have known. These are the kind of friends that every person needs. If you guys never talked to me again I would understand but instead you all were there for me. You are an amazing support system. I distanced myself from all of you when this was going on. I thought that if I did that maybe you wouldn’t be effected by all of this. I thought that I had to hide this from you guys. You all forgave me for everything without question. I love all of you so very much. Then there are the people I met here. They instantly accepted me and treated me as family. I have the most incredible second family. Roxie Hagman Webb, Tracy Webb, Sara Jelinek, Brian Jelinek, Don Jelinek, Jennifer Doty, you all overwhelmed me with love. The hardest thing I ever had to do was leave everyone and everything I knew behind me but all of you, whether you knew about my situation or not helped me to feel welcomed and happy when I got here. Barry’s friends, who I now consider some of my best friends,Sam Rapien, Ella Durham, Beth Musil, Brett Musil, Sarah Ellenbolt Anderson and Jon Anderson. Thank you all for being there for me. This is my story. I have hid it from lots of people because I was ashamed. Now I see that maybe if other people know my story it might help someone else. I hope that it does. I am no longer ashamed of it. I am proud of it. As for people who know someone in a similar situation, don’t ask “why doesn’t he/she just leave”, ask “what can I do to let her/him know I am there?”
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 16:15:02 +0000
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