A lot of exciting things are happening in my life. While not everything is to be revealed at present, I can say that I have enrolled at Wallace Community College for the Fall semester, and, after 14 years, I am going back to school. I am not sure, at present, if I will take one or two classes, but I will hopefully decide next week. In the midst of all the minor excitement and major nervousness, though, I must admit a third emotion, which seems odd, but at the same time, I am wondering how strongly others deal with this, and that emotion is...........shame. It makes no logical sense for me to feel shamed at taking classes to better myself, learn a new skill, open doors down the road, improve my knowledge, or gain experience, but I found myself today, while talking with a counselor, that feeling of YOU are WRONG. The shame is not rooted in any of the usual things, such as age, ability, previously low GPA, or anything else - it is rooted in the fact that I am scared that someone else will think that I shouldnt be doing it. In other words, it is based on a lie. I cant think of anyone at all that would speak negatively about me going back to school, yet, in my mind, I find this voice saying I wonder what everyone else thinks - they are probably either shaking their head at you, or laughing. Its in times like this that I just have to remind myself of the truth - the truth that I am made in the Image of God, that He has good plans for me, that I actually am intelligent, that it IS worthwhile for me to improve myself, and even if I fail and fall flat on my face, I am going to do it with an erectness in my posture, a spring in my step, and a smile on my face. However, I did NOT write this for sympathy or encouragement - I simply wanted to ask - do any of you deal with this same feeling when youre about to do something new or unconventional? Im no psychologist (just married to one,) but Id be willing to bet my bottom dollar that others suffer from this unreal sense of shame, too. Id love to hear your responses.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 03:52:48 +0000
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