A message from a sister ----------------------- The second wife jokes... weve all heard them and either laughed or rolled our eyes. Why do we make them? Allah has allowed polygny in Islam as an indisputable fact. It is a part of the social laws of this perfect deen of ours, the majority of scholars considering it a permissible act (neither recommended nor disliked, simply allowed). Making it a topic of teasing and banter between husband and wife however, I do not believe is beneficial to anyones marriage. Ideally, no woman wants to share her husband. When a man jokes about polygamy, it is often hurtful to his wifes feelings, and undermining to her self esteem, even if she seems to laugh it off. Women need reassurance of love. We see this in the example of Ayesha (R), when she asked the Prophet (s) about his love for her, and he responded that it was like a strong knot. No doubt rejoicing at this devoted answer, Ayesha (R) would ask the Prophet (s) every so often how is the knot? seeking reiteration of his (s)s love for her. It bears repeating - women need constant reassurance of love. They do not need their insecurities played on. When a man makes constant jokes about second wives or polygamy, it creates a feeling of insecurity in his love for her in his wifes mind which is not conducive to her opening up to a deep and meaningful and loving relationship with him. Instead it creates an irritated and disturbed mind that can sometimes flare up in other seemingly unrelated areas of marriage. Marriage in Islam is a deep and beautiful thing. The metaphor given in the Quran is that of clothing for one another- your spouse is the closest thing to your body, protecting you from the harm of outside elements. Brothers, in no way is it being implied that polygny should not be practised. It is an entirely permissible part of the shariah. Just understand that it is not something your wife wants to hear you joke about. If you do plan to practice polygny, dont joke about it, sit down and have a serious, well thought out, and definitely sensitive conversation with your wife about it (preferably a conversation and agreement about it would have happened before you married her). If you do not intend to practice it, then dont pretend you do. In either case, Allah has made you a fortress of protection for your wife - be protective of her feelings and watch the love and tranquility that Allah has mentioned in the Quran, enter your marriage. Our community needs to realise that polygny was not legislated in order for men to simply enjoy multiple womens bodies. Allah created both men and women, and His laws are the most loving and most just. Men have been given heavy responsibility when it comes to women, and when a man marries a woman, he is undertaking a solemn promise to look after her in the most excellent way, physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually to the best of his ability. In fact he will be questioned intensively on the day of qiyama regarding this responsibility and how he fulfilled it. If he marries more than one woman, he is undertaking those responsibilities towards all those women while also being responsible for being just and fair between them - not an easy burden to lift. The West sees polygny as degrading to women because they do not understand Islams legislation of it, and when we make shoddy jokes about it, we also become responsible for making a mockery of Allahs perfect laws. Polygny is a serious social matter, not an excuse to be a halal stud, and the sooner our community realises and communicates this, the sooner we can again take pride in this aspect of our perfect deen, and love and tranquility can increase in our homes.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 00:27:14 +0000
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