A taking it waaaay down Throwback Thursday: It was 6 years ago today my mom went into hospice. She was there for 10 days during which I refused to leave her side. No one thought she would be there that long. And I watched her fade away and I was mad. Really mad. Not at her, but at God. I mean, furious. The well meaning chaplains would enter the room and I would hold my hand up and say, Save it. I know the scripture - I can quote it to YOU. And I dont want to hear it. One of the chaplains found me on day 2 while I was at the nurses desk and asked for a chat. She asked me why I was mad. I responded, Look at my mom! Why doesnt God just take her? Why is He waiting? She replied, Have you considered that maybe youre not ready and thats why? Maybe YOU need this time. Oh, that poor poor chaplain. With tears and snot running down my face, I unloaded. Not ready? That is the stupidest thing Ive ever heard! This is not about ME! Of course there was much more but Ill spare you the details. It was not my finest moment. And the days passed. And I sat alone in that room talking to my mom. I dont know that she heard me, but I talked anyway. And read to her. And sang to her. I did her nails and held her hands...And I was thankful for that time. And then, on day 8, the realization hit me....I wouldnt have been ready a week ago. It was like a sucker punch to the stomach. And I sought out that chaplain and I hugged her and told her that I owed her an apology. She was right...I wasnt ready. I just couldnt see it then. I share this story with you because so often in Life we wonder why. Now, sometimes we never find out, but most of the time its because we still have something to learn, something important. We arent ready and Life is preparing us. Maybe we need to get serious; maybe we need to lighten up; maybe we simply need to gain perspective. There is always, a reason. So, stop trying to figure out the why of it all and just know that life is unfolding as it should. And try not to yell at chaplains. xoxo
Posted on: Thu, 06 Nov 2014 20:00:46 +0000
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