A tribute to Black Friday: Green Christmas Lyrics by Stan Freberg. From The Capitol Singles Collection. Green Christmas Ringtone SCROOGE: Bah, humbug, everybody. CHORUS: Good morning, Mr. Scrooge! SCROOGE: Well, the meeting will come to order, if you please. Are all the advertising people represented here? CHORUS: Everyone except Amalgamated Cheese! SCROOGE: Well, if theyre not here for the Christmas pitch, I cant help them find new ways of tying their product in to Christmas. Thats why Im chairman of this board! Lets hear it for me! CHORUS: Hear, hear! SCROOGE: All right, Abercrombie, what are your people up to? ABERCROMBIE: Ahhh, same thing as every year. Fifty thousand billboards showing Santa Claus pausing to refresh himself with our product. SCROOGE: Mmmmm, hmmm, well, I think the public has come to expect that and... ABERCROMBIE: Thats right. Its become tradition! SCROOGE: You there, Crass, uhh, I suppose your companys running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of Santas sack? CRASS: Better than that! This year we have him smoking one. SCROOGE: Um-hmmm... CRASS: Yes. Weve got Santa a little more rugged, too. Both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm. One of em says Merry Christmas. SCROOGE: What does the other one say? CRASS: Less tar! SCROOGE: Great stuff! CRATCHET: But Mr.Scrooge... SCROOGE: What? Who are you? CRATCHET: Bob Cratchet, sir. Ive got a little spice company over in East Orange, New Jersey. Do I have to tie my product in to Christmas? SCROOGE: What do you mean? CRATCHET: Well, I was just going to send cards out showing the three wise men following the Star of Bethlehem... SCROOGE: I get it! And theyre bearing your spices. Now thats perfect. CRATCHET: No, no... no product in it. I was just going to say, Peace on Earth... Good Will Toward Men. MAN: Well, thats a peculiar slogan! SCROOGE: Old hat, Cratchet! That went out with button shoes! Youre a businessman... Christmas is something to take advantage of! SCROOGE: A red and green bandwagon to jump on! SCROOGE: A sentimental shot in the arm for sales! Listen! CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising, Fa la la la la la la la la. While you can be enterprising, Fa la la la la la la la la. On the fourth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me Four bars of soap, Three cans of peas, Two breakfast foods, And some toothpaste on a pear tree! On the fifth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me... SCROOGE: Five tube-less tires! CHORUS: Fo-ur quarts of gin, Three ci-gars, Two cig-ar-ettes, And some hair tonic on a pear tree! Chest-nuts roasting... ANNOUNCER: Sayyyy, Mother, as sure as theres an X in Christmas, you can be sure those are Tiny Tim Chestnuts roasting. Tin-y Tim Chestnuts are frill-bodied... longer lasting! This visible shell protects the nut! Now with X-K 29 added, for people who cant roast after every meal. GIRL TRIO: Tin-ee Tim! Tin-ee Tim! Chest-nuts all the way! ANNOUNCER: Tin-y Tims roast hot... like a chestnut ought! And... they are (ECHO) mild, mild, mild, mild. CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising, Fa la la la la la la la la. Tis the time for merchandising, Fa la la la la la la la la. Profit never needs a reason, Fa la la la la la la la la. Get the money, its the season, Fa la la la la la la la la. SCROOGE: Words to live by, Cratchet! CRATCHET: For you, maybe. Cant you just wish someone merry Christmas, for the pure joy of doing it? SCROOGE: Why? Whats the percentage in that? Let me show you how to make Christmas work for you! CHORUS: We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas, And please buy our beer! SCROOGE: There you go, Cratchet! Thats Christmas with a purpose. CRATCHET: I know, but wait a minute. Dont you guys make enough profit the other eleven months? Christmas comes but once a year. SCROOGE: Humph! Funny thing you should bring that up. Thats exactly the point I was about to make. Hit it, boys! SCROOGE: Christmas comes but once a year, So you better make hay while the snow is falling, Thats opportunity calling you! CHORUS: Rub your hands, Decembers here, What a wonderful time to be Glad and merry! SCROOGE: Just so youre mercenary too! CHORUS: Buy an ad and show all the toys, Show all the toys up on the shelf SCROOGE: Just make sure that you get a plug, You get a plug, In for yourself! SCROOGE AND CHORUS: Christmas comes but once a year, So you better cash in, While the spirit lingers, Its slipping through your fingers, Boy! Dont you realize Christmas can be such a Monetary joy! CRATCHET: Well, I guess you fellows will never change. SCROOGE: Why should we? Christmas has two ss in it, and theyre both dollar signs. CRATCHET: Yeah, but they werent there to begin with. SCROOGE: Eh? CRATCHET: The people keep hoping youll remember. But you never do. SCROOGE: Remember what? CRATCHET: Whose birthday were celebrating. SCROOGE: Well,... dont get me wrong. The story of Christmas, in its simplicity, is a good thing - Ill buy that. Its just that we know a good thing when we see it. CRATCHET: But dont you realize Christmas has a significance, a meaning. SCROOGE: A sales curve! Wake up, Cratchet, its later than you think. CRATCHET: I know, Mr. Scrooge, I know. CHORUS: On the first day of Christmas, The advertisings there, with Newspaper ads, Billboards too, Business Christmas cards, And commercials on a pear tree... Jingles here, jingles there, Jingles all the way. Dashing through the snow, In a fifty-foot coup-e Oer the fields we go, Selling all the way... Deck the halls with advertising, Whats the use of compromising, Fa la la la la la la la la.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 18:00:33 +0000
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