A very special person to me has just taken the first step on what I know, from bitter personal experience, will be a long and painful road. Mental illness is a funny thing; even though those of us who live under its weight never asked for it we are still stigmatized for it by people with little or no understanding of what it means to have to live with the effects and consequences of being mentally ill. For me, personally, the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my life was walk into that doctors office all those years ago and say out loud that something was wrong and that I needed help. And my eventual diagnoses of being bi-polar was not the end of the problem; it was only the beginning of what proved to be some of the most difficult things Ive ever had to endure. The road to mental stability, and you can only ever achieve a level of stability as there is no cure for mental illnesses, is a very difficult journey. As you achieve greater mental and emotional clarity as a result of your treatment youre forced to look back at your previous, undiagnosed, untreated state and see all the pain and heartbreak you have caused to those around you who only ever wanted to love you. Your whole life has to be re-examined with the new understanding that you are not like everybody else and you never will be. And the simple but painful fact is that not everyone from your past will be able to forgive your previous behaviours just because you werent treated and therefore werent your true self. To make things even worse, even after you are diagnosed and treated, even after you have attained a degree of stability and the ability to cope, in general, with the world at large, there is still no guarantee you wont suffer setbacks. There have been many times in my life, post diagnosis, when my illness has, once again, gotten the better of me. Not that I was ever able to see at the time that I wasnt in control - thats one of the really fun things about being mentally ill is that you *always* think youre in control and therefore that your behaviour etc is right and appropriate. And Im one of the very, very lucky ones - the majority of my family still stand by me, love and support me, I have a loving and supportive husband and many, many wonderful friends all of whom treat me like a regular person and do not hold my mental illness over my head or use it like a club to beat me with. Still, my heart aches for my dear friend. I know, in the long run, her life will be much better given treatment but sadly I also know that her life will never be the same. So to all the incredible people in my life who see and treat me as a person and not a mental illness - thank you :) Your love and support help make this very difficult journey a little easier and I love you all for your love with every fibre of my being
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:26:06 +0000