A while back, when the Autumn winds started to blow in towards my District, I lost my heart to a beautiful young girl. Ever since I have been wrecked, not because she did not know that I cared for her, but rather deep down, I believed that not being good enough for her meant that I was not good enough for anyone. Feelings, emotions, thoughts, that when tied to a person, who does not feel the same can bring you to your knees in the agony of heartbreak, yet in heartbreak you learn that you are not the only one. In times like these the crushing may be bitter, but it brings forth something from the deeps. If you are from the deeps, you will find that it is lonely, that few swim into the depths, few are willing to face the open water and be unafraid of the mystery and excitement which comes. Some may find stability an easy everyday surety, something that will always be, there is nothing wrong with this, but when chaos comes and all your plans turn upside down, will you wish for stability or that back then you knew the truth. The road from then to where I am now, has been unique to say the least, it brought me to the end of who I thought I was, yet also revealing something more, showing me that my scars are not something to be ashamed of or afraid of facing, but rather points of Grace on a compass, moments that spoke of something more than the challenges and hurts that were faced, whispers that we hide of what we have overcome. Its in the whispers, the times when we cried out loud, when all we wanted was someone to listen, then getting past that point and carrying on despite what people said or did and simply forgiving them and leaving the past where it belongs, in the past. We are carried through much in Life and in those times we learn the most. In loneliness I had to learn to be me, to live with me, to like me and finally to accept me for me while being comfortable with who I am and the possibility of who I will eventually be. They say hindsight is 20x20, I say that we wont ever know the full truth until we pass on. When we are ready and even when we think that we are not ready, we will find the truth of what we really seek and what we hold dear, but this is the truth, we know nothing. One day I will be able to say I Love You, to the one woman I am waiting and searching for, but until that day, until I say them out Loud and in English, I will guard those words, making sure they never pass my lips in meaningless pursuits of women who will only break, but will not willing to build. I guess the rest is just processing, but this remains Love is not simply words or actions or feelings of entitlement, it comes from our depths, but when it grows cold and meaningless so do our Lives. When Lions finally learn to Love, their Love changes the world, because it is a reflection of their Maker and it shines forth even in the chaos of the darkest nights.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 19:20:58 +0000
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