A year ago this day I sat beside Will as he was taking his last breath. When I realized what was really happening I could hear our kids playing downstairs, so I locked our bedroom door and went into a zone that is impossible to explain… A place of sadness, of fear, but also of hope and joy. I said things to him like, “Just let go… you made it!” “Go and be with God,” “I love you,” “Trust” …and of course, “Goodbye.” Then after about three minutes, which seemed more like thirty, he took a deep breath and let out a very deep sigh. It sounded like a totally content and peaceful sigh of relief, one like I’d never heard before. I was actually watching him as his spirit left his body. And then it was over. It felt like the whole world had stopped. 4:38 PM and he was gone. I watched my husband die. It just doesnt seem possible. I knew it was coming, but to be in that moment felt unreal. It was an honor to be by his side, to be a faithful wife to the very end. So I sit here now, one year later, with my kids by my side. Not sure how we made it through so well. Not sure where we’re “supposed” to be. This year Ive been brought to my knees several times, for several reasons, again and again having to surrender and ask God to lead me. Despite all the pain and challenges I am so thankful to have a God who knows me and my kids, and has a plan for us. I trust him. Some scriptures that have helped me are ones like “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Pr 3:5-6 (NLT) “That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I am right here to help you.’ ” Is 41:13 (Msg) I want to give a sincere thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers this year. ...and I thank God for never leaving me.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 20:28:49 +0000
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