ALWAYS HAD SOMEONE THERE TO RUN IT BY GETTING OTHERS THOUGHTS, NOT ALWAYS SEEING EYE TO EYE OKAY THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT THEN I BEFORE KENNY CAME ALONG MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM AND DAD I CAN SAY WAS NOT THE BEST. I LEFT MY ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND AND MOVED IN WITH MY PARENTS. OUR RELATIONSHIP STARTED TO GET STRONGER. THEN I THINK I MEET MY NIGHT AND SHINING ARMOR LATER TO FIND OUT HE WAS JUST RAPPED IN ALUMINUM FOIL. I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD THING WE HAD GOING. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND UNWILLING TO SEE ALL THE HUNDREDS OF WARNING SIGNS BEFORE I BROUGHT LIFE INTO THIS WORLD? I ALLOWED HIM TO CORUPT MY MIND MY HEART AND MY SOUL WHEN IT CAME TO MY FAMILY. HE DESTROYED THE RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH MY PARENTS ONE LAYER AT A TIME. HE SAW HOW GREAT MY LOVE FOR MY FAMILY WAS. HE WAS JELLOUSE. MY MOM AND DAD WERE MY LIFE I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD LIVE WITH OUT THEM TO FALL BACK ON, NOT ONLY FINANCIALY BUT EMOTIONALY. I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF THAT I ALLOWED SO MANY LIFES TO BE AFFECTED BY KENNYS POISON AND HATEFUL HEART. EVERYONE AROUND ME EVEN MY CHILDREN WERE TRYING TO MAKE ME SEE THAT MY MARRIAGE WAS TOXIC. I IGNORED HOW MUCH PAIN THRER WAS ALWAYS THINKING IF I LEFT THE PAIN WOULD BE SO MUCH GREATER. I THOUGHT I HAD THE PEOPLE AROUND ME SUPPORT. THEY WERE JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY. SO MUCH HURT SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS DESTROYED SO MANY QUESTIONS SO MANY PROMISES ONLY FOR IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. MY KIDS SAW ME AS A FOOL. THEY COULD NOT TRUST ME ANYMORE WHEN I PROMISED IT WILL STOP AND WONT HAPPEN AGAIN. 16 YEARS LATER THERE I STOOD ONE NIGHT COMPLETELY STRIPED OF MY IDENTITY. I COULD NOT THINK, ACT, DECIDE, FEEL, LOVE, FORGIVE THE WAY MY HEART WAS CREATED. MY CHILDREN LOOKING AT ME WITH BLANK LOOKS ON THERE FACES, AS IF THEY ARE PUPPETS WAITING TO BE TOLD HOW TO FEEL OR WHERE TO STAND. I FINALY CAN LOOK IN THAT MIRROR AND SAY THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO TO FIX THIS MARRIAGE. IT IS TIME I WORK ON FIXING ME AND MY GIRLS. HOPING WERE ALL NOT TO BROKEN AND SHATTERED. ABLE TO GATHER IT ALL TOGETHER AND PIECE BY PIECE PUT IT BACK TOGETHER. NOT EXPECTING IT TO BE EASY. I JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH I WILL BE OKAY AND I CAN DO THIS I DON’T NEED ANYONE BUT GOD. WELL I COULD HAVE USED MORAL SUPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, COMPROMISE, ENCOURAGEMENT, POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, A SHOULDER TO CRY ON, AN EAR TO LISTEN WITH OUT JUDGEMENT, SOMEONE THAT WANTING TO BE THERE FOR ME. TO LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPTING ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS SOMEONE TO LOVE ALWAYS FOREVER AND NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^TO LOVE ALWAYS –24-7/ GOOD AND BAD HURTFUL AND SAD TIMES^^ ^^TO LOVE FOREVER—NEVER STOP LOVING TILL GOD TAKES YOU UP WITH HIM^^ ^^TO LOVE NO MATTER WHAT—EVEN IF THEY DON’T MEET UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS^^ MY MOM, DAD, BROTHERS, SISTERS ALL LOOK AT ME AS A FAILUR WAITING TO HAPPEN. I HAVE MADE MISTAKES AND I OWN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. I’M NOT PERFECT NO ONE IS. FOR SOME REASON MY SHORT COMINGS ARE UNLOVABLE, UNACCEPTABLE, UNTOLERABLE. I DON’T, AND MOST OTHERS AGREE WITH ME THAT MAYBE OTHERS ARE BEING A BIT TO JUDGEMENTAL, UNSATISFIED WITH THE POSITIVE STEPS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. SOMEONE TAKES 100 POSITIVE STEPS AND THEN FALLS BACK 5 NEGATIVE STEPS, THERE STILL ON THE POSITIVE END IN MY EYES. OTHERS WOULD RATHER FIXATE THERE MIND AND HEARTS ON THE 5 NEGATIVE STEPS AND NOT THE 95 POSITIVE ACTIONS YOU HAVE TAKEN. AS OF NOW MY SHORTCOMINGS ARE SOMETHING MY FAMILY CAN’T GET BEYOND. THEY HAVE ABANDOND ME. REQUESTING I FORGET THEY EVEN EXSIST. WHEN I VIEW MY SHORTCOMINGS AT NO LOWER LEVEL THEN THERES THEY VIEW MY SHORTCOMINGS SO LOW IT MAKES THEM SICK TO THINK OF ME AS A PERSON. I AM WHO I AM THAT’S ALL I CAN BE SORRY I’M NOT CHANGING FOR YOU OR YOUR HAPPINESS AND ACCEPTENCE. IT’S TIME I START THINKING ABOUT ME.. I LOVE MY MOM AND MY DAD. I LOVE MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS. I WILL LOVE THEM ALWAYS FOREVER AND NO MATTER WHAT. I HAVE LEARNED HOW THAT MAKES YOU ALL MUCH DIFFERENT THEN ME.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Aug 2013 21:05:42 +0000
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