AMBER ALERT! ANTI-WAR CELEBRITIES MISSING IN ACTION! (posted by Pulitzer Prize losing reporter T. Williams) Hollywood, CA. (AP). In what authorities can only fear has been a highly organized mass kidnapping of at least a dozen high profile personalities who had been the stalwarts and highly vocal faces of previous anti-war campaigns, have mysteriously vanished and are no where to be found. In an emergency press conference, Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau made a passionate plea to the suspected kidnappers to return them quickly and unharmed before they succumb the Patty Hearst Syndrome A multi million dollar fund donated by famous actors who have played roles as peace activists has been set aside to provide for ransom money. Milk producers have been urged to place their pictures on all new cartons. In addition a PSA is being spearheaded by Sheryl Crow in hopes to bring this tragedy to a peaceful resolution before Americans can start formulating their own opinions. After consulting with leading TV detectives these experts have not yet ruled out alien abduction or the possibility of a Chris Angel episode. Police have mapped out a perimeter around LA based on a triangulation conceived with known disappearances similar to the Bermuda Triangle A candlelight vigil has been organized by mourning fans. In a hard hitting TMZ interview with waitress and budding actress Candy Botox, who, fighting back tears and and ruining her make up, made in what could be only be described as an Oscar winning performance, this carefully scripted plea ."Please, please, return our heroes before our vacuum of thoughts implode and we are all left clueless in engaging our own minds" In anticipation of their hopeful return a makeshift first aid station hastily formed on a Universal Studios lot. Dr. Oz has volunteered to provide medical attention and Dr Phil will be on hand for physiological counseling. Producers are scrambling to prepare scripts to turn this tragedy into a new reality series. "We feel this presents an excellent opportunity to provide a quality programing our audiences demand and garnering the ratings necessary to provide us with much needed revenue necessary to keep us cocooned in our opulent lifestyle", said one Cable Executive, hinting he was contemplating a new 24 hour news feed around these events. Here is partial list of missing celebrities: Sheryl Crow, Martin Sheen, Bruce Springsteen, Ed Asner, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Janeane Garofalo, Jackson Browne, George Clooney, Barbara Streisand and Danny Glover. Paparazzi are mobilizing in force in what can only be described as the biggest manhunt since Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, and one of those Kardashians went into hiding, Citizens of Los Angeles have been urged to call an emergency hotline on any leads at 1-800-GET LOST
Posted on: Sat, 07 Sep 2013 19:56:26 +0000
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