AN IDEAL ROMANTIC POLYGENOUS HOME Alhamdulillah, today is another Saturday, a day where love is in the air, a day where many love birds are united or celebrated. When Allah s.w.t created Prophet Adam alayhi Salam, he didnt give him a car, phone, laptop or video game, instead he gave him a wife as his companion and partner in marriage. SubhanAlllah, their love was the first love story in the history of mankind, their love started from the gardens of paradise, wow, one can only imagine how sweet and scintillating it was with all the beauty, glamour, glitz and luxury around them. Today, Allah has permitted polygyny if the man is capable of being just between them. However, many of us have misunderstood dis concept, men abuse the concept while women detest the concept because they think it doesnt favour them but if only they know the rahma in it, they would wish to end up in polygynous homes. First, it all starts with the right person and the right intention. The man has to be an upright believer whose aqeedah is upon the Quran and Sunnah and the methodology of the pious predecessors. Not just any man who claims to be a Muslim yet u cant even distinguish his appearance from that of an unbeliever, who doesnt even look like a Muslim, who openly commits sin in the things that are apparent, how then can you entrust your daughter to such a person? So the success or failure of any polygynous setting starts with the man who is the main subject of the matter. The man needs to have a reasonable knowledge of the deen, fiqh of marriage, rights of both spouses in marriage and polygyny before delving into it. A man doesnt just jump into marriage on a platter of absolute ignorance. The prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam married over 10 wives yet he managed them well until his final breath, he didnt have a heart attack and he never made any of them shed tears for even a second. SubhanAlllah. How romantic and perfect the prophet was. Some men of today makes their only wife cry almost every day and they end up giving themselves heart attack and start taking BP pills. Starting from the brothers: my dear brodaz, polygyny is sweet, it’s not a whirl hole as many people think, because some brodaz have consoled themselves by saying even if am capable of being just, I dont want womens wahala so I will stick to only one wife. Calm down and be a man, polygyny isnt a battle or a death sentence. Look at it from this perspective: as a man of the house, if you are married to a woman, at times she may be too tired to cook, at times u will need her but she is in her period, at times you will need her company but she would have travelled perhaps to her parents place, at times she may be sick or hospitalized and u will have to carry out all house chores all by yourself, it may be that she cant give birth to kids due to one reason or the other, she may not be able to meet up to your demands for intimacy etc. All this and more are the areas where polygyny supplements. Your home should be conducive for your wives if they all live together in the same house, the house has to be large and spacious with each wife having her apartment without any infringement or hitches with her own bathroom and toilet. Then you as the man have to be just in regards to time, spending and accommodation etc. It could be that the first wife is from your tribe, the second from another tribe, the third may be older than you, and the 4th may be an albino etc. The bonds of Islam unites us all, no race, no tribalism or ethnicity. Divide the chores among them, everyone will know her own duty unlike monogamy where the only wife shoulders it all. Those in polygyny enjoy assistance from their co wives. As a man, be romantic, spend quality time with each of them equally, be creative, when talking to your wives, throw little broom sticks or paper at her, she may throw them back at you, let her fondle your beards. Let her barb your hair for you. Dont pass by any of your wives around the house without doing anything to her like (pinching her, poking her, kissing her, touching her jilbab, winking at her, blowing a kiss and sending it to her, tickling her etc.). Dont just pass by her without doing anything as if she is a stranger or as if you didnt even see her. A real man keeps proving her love to a woman even after he has gotten her. Whenever u spend the night with any of them, hold her tight, dont just turn your back on her in the bed as if you dont know her, end your night conversations with a kiss before sleeping, wake her for tahajud with a kiss too. As a man, dont over praise any of your wifes meal over others, it gives room for jealousy and envy. You will definitely love one more than the others but try to conceal it as much as possible. At times go on a walk with one of your wives and do the same to others subsequently. If you have a car, go out with all your wives simultaneously, open the door for all of them to enter the car, when you reach your destination, open the door for each and every one of them again to come out of the car, thats part of being romantic. At times during weekends, race with all your wives, compete in a race with all of them and lets see who comes first and who comes last. It will increase the love between them. If you have a mini gymnasium in your house, train them and teach them how to fight in case of jihad and who knows, armed robbers may attack one day, so the five of you may deal with the armed robbers, lol. At times if need be, then there should be a general family meeting in the central living room or elsewhere if they all agree to that venue. Allow all your wives to err their views and preside over them. You are the leader of the house, fear Allah and be just between them. Buy things for them equally, take them out equally, help them with chores equally, and spend on them equally. At times when you travel away from home, you can even be having a group chat on your social network with your wives or you may chat with them separately so as to keep them company even when you are not at home. Send a good morning text message to all of them and do the same thing at night. Plait their hairs for them, so that your wives wont have to be going to the saloon where there is a risk of a non-mahram suddenly entering the saloon and it will also eliminate hairstyle expenses. One day, get a razor blade, put her legs on your laps and Cut their finger nails for them, after bathing, dress them up with their jilbab and tie their nikab for them, learn how to tie nikab, women love it when their husband do all these little things, am talking from experience, soq. Take them shopping in a female boutique, follow them to the market at times or go to the market yourself and buy things while you take it home and they prepare it. Do house chores with them, pound yam with your wives, carry baby on your back while your wife is sleeping or while she is busy adorning herself before the mirror. Very important, teach them Islam, you are their number one teacher, groom them with the knowledge of the shariah, who knows, in the process: your first wife may become a hafiza, the second one may become a scholar of fiqh, the third one may become a scholar in hadith, the 4th wife may be an authority in adab related issues or knowledge of inheritance. Organize a class for them in your home every evening after Isha, a sisters circle where u discuss issues relating to the deen, give them topics to present individually and have an Islamic library in your home filled with books. If you do all these, they will hardly have grudges among themselves because they do many things in common so they cant avoid talking to each other. Order them to teach each other. E.g. the one who has memorized the Quran should teach others the Quran, the one who is good in hadith should teach others the science of ahadith and so on. This will increase the love between them. That wonderful moment every night, when each of them observes tahajud in her apartment, your house will become an Islamic home. Your whole house will be booming with zikr. At times, let them walk to the masjid together and also come back home together, other women will admire them. If possible, buy cars for each and every one of them, how classic!!!!!!!! Teach them how to drive, perhaps one of them should be acquainted with the field of medicine so that she would help with the issue of child delivery, so that your wives wont have to be going to the hospitals where men attends to your wifes child delivery. For Sisters: As for the sisters, there is much more rest and relaxation in polygyny than monogamy, your co-wives are always there to help you with the chores, If you give birth, others are there to help you carry and pet the baby, your co wives are there to teach you Quran, they share ideas and problems with you, whenever your husband travels you wont feel lonely at home because your co-wives are around, whenever your husband travels: you all should watch the Islamic programs on TV together, cook together, clean the house together, buy hijab for each other, buy creams and cosmetics as gifts for each other, eat together, race among yourselves together, learn Islam together, go to the market together, play balloon games and hide and seek together, plait hairs for each other, gist together around the house, If any argument arises between 2 of you, the other 2 should quickly settle it, dont see yourselves based on who came into the family first, see your selves as sisters. Dont see yourselves as rivals, realize that you all are on (the same side). Wear the same jilbab colours every day, maybe all blue or all black or all brown. In fact have a jilbab timetable if you wish. It will increase the love and unity. Cut each other’s nail, teach each other how to prepare certain meals. Keep company with each other’s kids, take each other’s kids to school, attend sisters program together, defend each other in public, when you hear one thing about your co-wife, make excuses for her and enquire from her before making conclusions, do hifz together and compete among yourselves in memorizing the Quran, when it’s time for salat, remind each other, wash your clothes together, take each other as best friends. Write I love you for the sake of Allah on a note and put it in your co-wives room or put it under her pillow. Compose poems together. All these little things will spice up your house with love. Anytime your husband returns from a journey, rush to welcome him, you all should present to him the gifts each of you have bought for him, he will be happy with all of you. Teach yourselves each other’s language. If any of u is reducing in eeman, you all should admonish her immediately before it gets worse. Form the habit of pinching, winking, smiling, tickling each other around the house. Share duties among yourselves and assist each other with errands at times. Spare your husband of troubles at times, so that he doesnt have a heart attack. If your husband is not happy with anyone of you, try to solve it privately but if it’s getting out of hand, quickly consult your co-wives about it so that they will plead on your behalf. Discuss good things about your husband to each other, and you should all pray for each other and your husband in salat. If you follow all these steps, u will have more freedom and leisure than the one you had in your fathers house. Anytime your husband is spending d night with any of your co-wife, it’s an opportunity for you to rest, sleep well, do ibadah at night and read Islamic books and spend time with your kids. Anytime jealousy is growing in your heart against your co-wife, quickly seek refuge in Allah against the evil of shaitan and its promptings. Such is an ideal polygynous home. Brothers and sisters, the shariah has solved the problem of the world even before it arises, if we work with the rulings in the shariah, polygyny will be much sweeter than monogamy. The reason for problems in polygyny are mainly three: if the husband is not an ideal Muslim man upon the sunnah, if all the wives are not striving believers (one may be a Muslimah, the other one is an unserious type, the other one is a swagger woman, the last one is a woman with bad character). Finally, if the women or man is from a deviant aqeedah. The prophet ordered us to marry religious women not any how women else you will have an any how polygyny. Never stop saying I love you to each other even at the age of 100. Allah said, “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and good statements are for good people (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26] This post is open for corrections and constructive criticisms. May Allah put barka in our marriages. Aamin.
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 16:36:11 +0000
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