ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? (BY PRAISE FOWOWE) The quest to choose a life partner is about the most hiring you may have to do in your life and it is too vital a task to be left to emotions or cultural or religious prejudice. I have seen too many singles make avoidable mistakes because they never got the right counsel and it pains my heart each time I see a divorced couple who could have saved their marriage with the right counsel. The word ‘irreconcilable difference’ is gradually becoming one of the most frequently used because people are not matured enough to keep relationships but every marital problem is a reflection of a deeper issue which has to do with the character of the 2 principal actors involved because your marriage can’t be better than who you are. I came to a conclusion last year that dysfunctional marriage is a function of dysfunctional singles while dysfunctional singles is a function of dysfunctional childhood. Basically we are dealing with a foundational issue and once the foundation is destroyed there is no structure that is built on it that won’t collapse eventually. I often tell married people that there is nothing called marital problem because everything they call a problem is nothing but sheer ignorance. There are different levels of ignorance and they include the following: -Ignorance of self– If you can’t differentiate who you are and who you have become it would be difficult to experience happiness let alone making someone else happy. How many times have you met individuals with multi-personality disorder? It is so painful that many have had their childhood messed up by pressure and other forms of abuse that what they manifest at the moment is a pseudo personality without knowing. So you have people introducing themselves by their profession, size of bank account or even titles. It is shocking to note that loads of people are clueless about their real identity and the moment the real you is lost everything you build on that non – existent foundation would be transient and that is why someone can be so wealthy yet commit suicide because there is a child in him crying for expression. Do you know who you are? -Ignorance of your spouse –Have you met a guy lately who is asking you out and asked him ‘who are you’? You’d notice immediately that is one question that would throw him off balance and in his assumption it is either he mentions his name or what he does.Unfortunately that confusion is in so many relationships where we fail to critically discover the real person we married because either he/she has also either had his real identity stolen or our own faulty screen which seeks to place our spouse based on our past experience or pains with people. How many ladies from dysfunctional homes keep judging their men based on what their father did? Do you know your spouse and what stands him out? Do you know his love languages and personality type? Until you fully deciphered your spouse you may not maximally enjoy your relationship with him/her -Ignorance of marriage –I once asked a young man who claimed all the ladies he met were money conscious why he thought he was ready for marriage and I wasn’t surprised at his response because he revealed the mindset of loads of singles and married people. He told me he was ready because he was out of school and with a good job he felt he wasn’t getting younger.It is shocking that loads of married people are never able to answer the question ‘Why did you marry’? You may want to try that exercise because it will show you all kinds of faulty thought process. What is marriage to you and why do you want to be married? For some marriage is an escape route because they feel their parents have enslaved them all their lives so something tells them marriage would set them free while from some others it is a financial bailout. I often tell single ladies that until you can take yourself out, earn your money and even be able to afford what you think a guy would do for you you may not be ready for marriage because you may end up signing the dotted lines to slavery instead of marriage. What is marriage to you? Always remember that your definition of a thing would determine how you put it to use. -Ignorance of building techniques –Every organization is built by wise planning, becomes strong through common sense and grows tremendously by keeping abreast of facts. Have you not met married people who have never read a single book on marriage?As a matter of fact there is a general assumption among singles that they have what it takes to handle a marriage. Too many people fail to understand that love may not be the most important ingredient in a relationship because their definition of love is questionably faulty. Do you know the basic building blocks needed to build a sustainable relationship?
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 07:45:29 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015