ARMED AND DANGEROUS 5 QB Fantasy Studs that carried their teams, real and fake, to victory in week 8 No press conference necessary. There wasn’t much to talk about during or after week 8. The scoreboard told you all you needed to know. With the exception of one game, all others weren’t even close. All games were basically decided by quick deliveries, long bombs, slants, corner-posts and double-moves hit with military-like precision by some of the best arms in the game. Even in this quarterback-scoring skewed league, the numbers were still pretty impressive. In fact, perhaps the most impressive fact is that one team owns the best two QB performances of the week. And it’s not who you’d might expect. It’s the Sloppy Sofa that has now put a four game run together primarily on the arms of Big Ben and Tom Thumb. The coaching move of the weekend, recognized by all, was Sofa starting Big Ben against a highly ranked Indy defense over Brady facing a struggling Bears D and a team in a state of disorder. Well done crusty couch. Or Crusty Coach. Head Couch Coach Tom shows prowess and fortitude with start of Rapistberger over Tom Thumb Brady Sloppy Sofa overwhelmed Pleepleus 181.00 to 110.40 in week 8 as Roethlisberger blew up for 91.10 points in a 70.60-point win. He passed for six touchdowns and 522 yards in his signature performance. He also recorded the highest point total in the league this season, but still 2 points shy f the league record of 93 posted by Peytie Poo in week one last season. Sloppy Sofa had their best score of the season, as well as the third-biggest margin of victory in the league. The outcome could have been worse for Grape Ape as the Fabulous Fold-out had two starters score zero points. Sloppy Sofa is on the move in the NFC with the win and climbs into a two-way tie for second place in the division with Shticky and fifth place overall. Both teams are now just two games back of the Feathered Friend. The Drunken Monkey falls to 5-3, good enough for second in the AFC but drops to third place in the overall rankings. Is this the Kong fall from the top of the Empire State Building? A long, slow, painful demise from first to worst? I missed updating my lineup, including starting newly acquired players becaue I was hungover as $h!t from the Eric Church show on Saturday night at Mohegan Sun. Pleepleus had more than one glaring error in his lineup but when all is said and done, Couch would’ve had this one in the bag from the start. Sloppy Sofa faces The Real iNFideL in Week 9 while Pleepleus gets Underpants Ninja who sits in last place. Underpants NInja inquires with Reebok about a new logo and uniform design for the remainder of the 2014-2015 season. Speaking of Mr. Meo…uh..Underpants “Ninja”, Coach Glenn might want to consider a third team name change. “Ninja” implies stealth, covertness, scouting techniques and information gathering. None of which applies to this team in its current state. By definition they travelled in disguise to other territories to judge the situation of the enemy, they would infiltrate their way into the midst of the enemy to discover weakness, enter enemy castles to set them on fire, and carried out assassinations, arriving in secret. Underpants are clearly not secretly sneaking up on anyone and despite 40 mock drafts, the scouting techniques and information gathering also suggest Ninja simply change to “Captain Underpants” or revert to just “Underpants”. That’s 5 consecutive losses for “Ninja” for those of you keeping track, the longest streak for any team this year. A win in week 9 is imperative for Diaperman if they have any hope at the playoffs. But hey, there’s always this: Captain Underpants hopes the Toilet Bowl Championship doesn’t land on their mantle this year. In a late rally, MABELS MADMEN took advantage of 25.70 points from Sammy and 19 from the Bills DEF pulling down the Ninja’s Underpants 113.50 to 106.30. M’sM came into the Monday night game facing a 0.80-point deficit, but Jason Witten scored 13.00 for the comeback victory. This matchup saw three lead changes, with the largest lead being 51.10 points after Sunday afternoon. This upset was revenge for a loss to Underpants Ninja in their last meeting a season ago. M’sMis a game ahead of Underpants in the overall rankings yet they remain behind in points, 930.30 to 808.90. Underpants Ninja and his “best WR corps in the league” had two WR’s combine for only 3.5 points. Ms M faces league-leader Bird Nerd this week. Captain Underpants takes on Pleepleus. Convicts crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side. Ironically, CONVICTS was clutch when the lights came ON. Usually they clutch when the lights go OFF. Go figure. With 67.10 points posted on Sunday Night Football (36% of their total score) Convicts get the comeback victory over Bird Nerd 185.50 to 156.80. THE CONVICTS was led by Drew Breeseses 52.70 points, Jeremy Maclin’s 34.70 points, Dolphin D’s 29 and T.Y. Hilton’s 22.5. Additionally, the 185.50 points for THE CONVICTS represented the highest overall total in the league this season – beating out Sloppy Sofa by a mere 4.5 points. After scoring 46.5 points last week, Brees has now led THE CONVICTS in scoring in back-to-back weeks, and for three of the last four. Could this be a late season jailbreak? With 15 targets this week for Big Birds Golden Tate, it means that his targets have now increased in three consecutive games and might be fair fowl for a trade. THE CONVICTS now sit at 4-4 and climb into fourth place overall, while Big Bird remains in first place. In Week 9, THE CONVICTS goes up against WWCD (thank Christ he’s given up on finding his sock puppet) who puts up a respectable 132.24 points per game. Bird Nerd will square off against M’sM. Do I really have to write something about Chucky Clucky? Ugh, this pains me. Between his trash-talking, the stupid puppet shoot, and, admittedly a pretty decent team Funky Monkey now has to look up the puppet shoot at AFC leader WWCD. As much as I hate to, I have to give Clucky some props. Good team. Good Win. Im coming for you chicken man. Philip Rivers passed for three touchdowns (40.90 points) and Matt Forte added 25.80 points as Chicken Nugget got past East Coast Raiders 138.90 to 109.50. Nuggets took a 58.30-point lead on Thursday and maintained an advantage throughout the matchup. East Coast Raiders’ Tony Romo just didn’t have enough arm (or back) strength to beat WWCD, who extended their career unbeaten streak to two games in the series. On top of the loss, East Coast Raiders received a big fast goose egg (maybe that’s dinner for a cell-mate) from Trent Richardson. Chicken dinner climbs into second place overall and East Coast Raiders stays in eighth place. In Week 9, Weiner Weiner will meet THE CONVICTS and East Coast Raiders gets The Shticky. Sounds painful. Something about prime time Shticky likes. Winner of back-to-back games, The Shticky had an excellent primetime showing with 93.50 points on Sunday Night Football to seal the comeback against The Real iNFideL 145.80 to 105.50. The late heroics were somewhat unexpected, since they were originally projected to put up 67.30 points on Sunday night. The Shticky was led by Aaron Rodgers to Randall Cobb connection amassing a stellar 79.5 points. The 145.80 points represented the highest overall individual total of the season for The Shticky who falls to sixth place, while The Real iNFideL drops to seventh place. Running back opportunities for The Real iNFideL were abundant, but could only manage 14.5 total points. The Shticky will face East Coast Raiders in Week 9. The Real iNFideL gets to clean up Sloppy Sofa. You bet it does baby!! And you’re doing it exactly right! All matchups around the league get going tonight except Pleep and Panties. That’s a good thing since both coaches could use the extra days to make final tweaks to their rosters. The good news here is that one teams streak will end and the others Underpants will still be streak stained. Good thing there are no European games this week because that is just too damn early to get up and make smart decisions. Good luck to those looking to extend winning streaks. Good luck to those trying to avoid going down the crapper. Good luck getting Plucky to accept even one reasonable trade offer. Who will emerge as this weeks Balls of a Billygoat winner? Can Sloppy Seconds make it a threesome?
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 17:21:42 +0000
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