ASK MR. MIKE © Mr. Mike Productions Bogus Hole, IN 73645 Mr. Mike, Im very confused. The world is burning, Al-Qaeda just took over Yemen, ISIS is cutting peoples heads off and ransoming foreign nationals for $200 million, our government is hell-bent on cutting Social Security and Medicare while giving themselves raises, the Koch brothers are throwing millions behind that nefarious fool Mitt Romney for president, the cops are getting out of control, teenage boys are shooting people in the head for their belts, there are thousands of homeless vets who cant get a break after serving our country, and the only thing on the news is some shit about a f*cking deflated football. Who thinks that this is important? Bob White San Antonio Mr. Mike Replies: A bunch of assholes. Hey Mike, This is kind of embarrassing, but here goes. I have a really wild girlfriend that I just met. Shes hot for it all the time, if you know what I mean lol. She wants me to try all this wild stuff, and I want to please her, so I do it. Last night she wanted me to dress up in a cat suit and hang on to the ceiling fan while she popped a whip and called me names. I did, and when she turned the fan on, it slung me across the room into her china cabinet, pretty much demolishing it. Now shes really pissed and wants me to pay for it, when it was her idea. Do you think I should? Harry Barry Peoria Mr. Mike Replies: Sure. Mr. Mike, There is something on my mind, and I desperately need your advice. I work a boring dead-end job at an insurance company on the top floor of a high-rise in Omaha, Nebraska. Two weeks ago, we had an office party, and I got really drunk. My brother works construction, and I had copped a stick of dynamite off his truck. I went into the mens room, lit it, and flushed it down the toilet. It blew out the plumbing in the whole building, set off the water sprinklers on every floor, and blew a quarter of the top floor completely off. No one was injured thank God, although many women were covered in feces and screaming. Now the local police and the FBI are doing an anti-terror investigation. Here is my question: it is on my mind night and day. Do you think I should just turn myself in? Bill Ball Omaha Mr. Mike Replies: No.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 22:04:51 +0000
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