ATTITUDE 101 THE DANGER OF DISTORTED THINKING If you are angry, afraid, resentful, jealous, or depressed – in other words, if you are struggling with negative emotions – the fault may lie in your thinking. Cognitive therapists operate on the theory that distorted thinking lies at the root of most of these negative emotions. These therapists help their clients identify the distorted thinking, understand what is distorted about it, and then correct it so that emotional healing can begin. Here are some common distorted thoughts. Do any of them sound familiar? -I must be approved and loved by all people. -If things dont go the way I expect them to, then its catastrophic. -Its easier to avoid a problem than to deal with conflict. -What has happened in the past will determine the future. -If I make a mistake, it means that I am incompetent and that I am inferior to others. -Things always turn out this way. -You always act this way. -You never treat me the way I deserve to be treated. -You should always feel or act a certain way. Research shows that these thoughts can lead to serious problems, among them addictions and depression. Let me briefly relate the story of Mr Uzochi. He has struggled with depression for most of his life, now he’s so very familiar with distorted thinking. While growing up, he suspected he had a problem, but counseling was not smiled upon then, and he had no idea how to get help. You bet you can guess what happened when he got married. You got it. He didnt check his depression at the door. His moodiness, anger, and negativity moved into his home. After ten years of marriage, he and his wife were desperate. He was extremely depressed and he worried about everything – even in his sleep. He often woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and couldn’t get back to sleep because the anxiety from his dreams kept him awake. Sleep deprivation caused him to be contentious and on edge. He lost forty pounds, became physically ill, and experienced constant nausea. When he thought he had cancer or another terminal illness, he visited numerous doctors without a diagnosis. Finally, an internal medicine specialist gave him an answer. Mr. Uzochi, you dont have a physical problem. You have an emotional problem. You have developed an anxiety disorder, and you are also very depressed. You must get help or you may die. After weeks of denial, he knew the doctor was right, so he finally got the help he so badly needed. The counselor he visited convinced him to take depression medication, even though he was terrified of becoming addicted. He spoke with a good friend who alleviated his concerns. He told him that most antidepressants are not addictive and should be a bridge, not a crutch, to help navigate through a dark emotional valley. Because his marriage, family, faith, and job were on the line, he was willing to do whatever was necessary. The result? Over time, he became a better husband. And the way he saw himself, his wife, and others improved. He was totally transformed. Through his experience he learned that because he suffered from depression, he could not see himself or his wife realistically. He felt as if he was stumbling around in dark rooms – wearing sunglasses. He couldnt see himself as God sees him. He felt that he could not be good enough, faithful enough, or spiritual enough – no matter what the Bible says. These kinds of beliefs, based on myths and distorted thinking, led him to depression and hopelessness. They can also lead us to accept Satans lie that one is not worthy of grace and can cause us to act in ways that well regret. This is typical in a marriage where a spouse is depressed. Though a depressed husband is committed to marriage, he wont feel good about his wife and, therefore, wont treat her well. If the non-depressed wife does not understand what is happening, she will make the situation worse by assuming that her husband is mean or doesnt care about the marriage or that he can easily change how he feels and acts. In reality, change can be almost impossible for a depressed person. Until the depressed spouse receives proper treatment, he or she cannot interact with you in a healthy way. Depression is a very serious illness, which if left untreated can destroy a marriage in a short period of time. Many marriages today are in trouble because one or both spouses struggle with severe depression. Until these couples address and treat depression, it will be difficult to learn new relational skills to strengthen their marriage. If you suspect that you, or your spouse, suffer from depression, seek help together. Do not delay. (A caveat is in order here. Depression and other emotional problems can be caused by factors other than distorted thinking. Chemical and sugar imbalances, stress, lack of sleep, even thyroid disorders can also be precipitators of depression. When issues like these are involved, they must be assessed, diagnosed, and treated by a medical professional.) You may not struggle with depression. But distorted thinking, because it is so subtle and rooted in the way you look at yourself and your spouse, has the potential to eat away at your marriage. ≈CC®™©2014
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 05:46:22 +0000
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