About 12 years ago, I met my brotha from anotha motha. No lie. Im convinced that somewhere down the line, Tim and I share a bloodline. We are too similar. We can have a conversation that no one else on the planet would even have a damn clue what the hell we are talking about. We can have a whole conversation in only movie quotes. We can move effortlessly from one movie to another, and then back again, without ever missing a beat. We can finish each others sentences. Sentences that other people wouldnt even understand. I have always thought that if a radio station would ever give us a chance, wed make a helluva morning radio show. In the last dozen years, Tim and I have done a whole bunch of fun stuff. Some of it legal.....some of it...um.....nevermind. Tim, Jeff (hes our shorter, stockier little friend with the big dimples and sparkly blue eyes) and I pretty much became inseparable from the first day we met. I was like I like these guys. I think Ill be best friends and drink beer with them. And then we did. And we never stopped. Well, we stopped for short periods of time here and there, but our average is pretty impressive. He once ran me over in a golf cart. I mean, he ACTUALLY ran me OVER. And parked on top of me because he didnt know what to do. So he just got out and was like are you ok? And I said HELL NO IM NOT OK YOU ARE PARKED ON TOP OF MY BODY. Then he got mad at me because he said I was being a dick. My knee still clicks when I run. Another time we got in a fight at 3:00 am at an IHOP because he broke my watch. Like an actual fight. Thats the longest we have gone without talking to each other in 12 years. We didnt speak for 5 days. But then he called me and said he was sorry. And I said I was sorry. And he made me a pirated mix cd as an apology gift. The hardest I can ever remember laughing, I did at his expense. He once whiffed a golf shot by at LEAST 12. That was funny. But what was even funnier was when he whiffed it by 12 again in the very next swing. Two swings. Two whiffs. Jeff and I laughed until I thought Id puke. I am actually laughing right now as I type this. To this day, its the funniest thing I ever saw. He saved my life at Yankee Stadium once. During batting practice, I was talking to my dad on the phone, and a line drive foul was going to hit me in the face, but Tim tackled me, spilling a $12 cup of beer all over my t-shirt. I was kinda pissed. But also glad I didnt get hit in the face with a foul ball. And we were intimately involved with the capture of the BTK serial killer. Im not kidding. If it werent for us, hed still be on the loose. Ok....maybe we didnt actually catch him, but we were there WHEN they caught him. Honest. We were sitting at the Applebees in Park City, KS. Drinking beer and eating dinner. Then we were SURROUNDED by cops. Im not exaggerating when I say there were 40 police cars and 5 or 6 news stations there. And we just sat there drinking beer wondering what the hell was happening. Until the next day, we could actually see ourselves and my truck in the parking lot, all over the major network news stations all over the damn country. I love him. He likes me just because he wants to. Not because he is related to me, or because he has to. Weve watched each other get older, and balder. But we are still just as fun as ever. Ive watched his family grow, and hes watched my family materialize from thin air when April and I got together. Today is his birthday, and hes pretty old, but on Saturday, me and Tim and Jeff are gonna throw down old school style in Dallas for the OU/TX game. Well be at the Granada Theater watching the game, and its gonna be more fun than anyone has ever had. And I cant wait. Several years ago, we actually got arm barred and dishonorably discharged from a drinking establishment down there. But that wont happen again this year. Cuz we have grown up and become more mature and stuff. Happy birthday Timmy!
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 03:52:22 +0000