According to Abigail Van Buren, “Loneliness is the ultimate poverty.” Human beings are social animals as they thrive best in social settings yet sometimes they lose touch with the social aspect of their being or they may not get ample opportunity to exercise it. When it happens, they feel isolated and lonely. loneliness loneliness Defining Loneliness Most of us have experienced loneliness at some point of time in our lives. While for some of us, it may be temporary, mostly caused by some transitions or particular events, for others loneliness may be a permanent fact of life. According to one definition, “To feel lonely is to be overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness, at a very deep level.” In their book “Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection”, John T Cacioppo, a research psychologist at the University of Chicago and a pioneer of the new field of social neuroscience, and William Patrick, editor of the Journal of Life Sciences, believe that human beings are attuned to be inter-dependent as reflected by the African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” According to Cacippo and Patrick, social isolation is against human nature at a deep, genetic level because the human brain has evolved to process social information and maximize survival through collaboration; therefore loneliness can be as harmful to health as smoking, drinking or a sedentary lifestyle. In fact, the cities are an ultimate expression of the social aspect of humanity as they function on the basis of the trust that people have for each other to follow rules that protect the group. They further believe that loneliness starts a vicious cycle where the individual’s perceptual and thinking becomes distorted, causing him/her to misread other people’s attempts to include them, become less trusting, to try less hard to overcome these patterns, and thus becoming more and more withdrawn and pessimistic, thus reinforcing isolation even leading to early death. The human need for social interaction and connection is so strong that it leads isolated people to form parasocial relationships with pets or TV characters. There are two main distinctions with regard to loneliness: Firstly, loneliness is different from solitude. Solitude is the desire or craving for “time to/for yourself.” Being alone in your own company and having self-time will prove to be a refreshing, replenishing and restful experience which may even be spiritual or creative. On the other hand, loneliness doesn’t “fill us up” the way solitude can; it rather drains us. Secondly, there is difference between feeling lonely and being depressed. Depression is an ongoing state of feeling low and avoiding activity. Loneliness can contribute to depression, but feeling lonely once in a while is a normal pattern of human life. Loneliness may ebb and flow with the events going on in our lives, but depression doesn’t go away as easily or quickly. Coping with Loneliess: 1. Checking-in with yourself: If you are feeling lonely then don’t wait for others to take action instead of doing it yourself. Give it time and energy; think about the reasons for your loneliness and the positive steps you can take to overcome it. It is good to learn to be alone and relaxed in your own company. Focus on yourself – who you really are and what you want to do. This may involve facing some difficult feelings, which are maybe the reason you keep seeking the company of others. 2. Reach out: If you have a friend, don’t hesitate to call. It doesn’t entail talking about your feeling of loneliness but just simple talking about normal routine life can uplift your spirits. You also have to learn to be others which involve learning to say “no”, setting up boundaries in relationships and expressing yours wants, feelings and desires. Learning social skills and assertiveness can prove helpful. Don’t jump the fence…start with small changes. Don’t get intensely involved with a person in the first stage rather take one small step at a time such as start with small interactions and exchanges of conversations and meetings, which will ultimately take you towards forging stronger relationships. 3. Make a move, volunteer for something: Join a local interest activity group or some hobby class which not only brings out your inner self to the fore but also gives you ample opportunity to interact with other people who share your interests. It is good to follow a routine such as going for a walk, or getting a pet to give you company. The point is coming out of your comfort zone without overwhelming yourself. Further, seek reasons to go out and be in other people’s company such as join a reading or cooking group which involves fun as well as learning. In nutshell, loneliness is something we all experience from time to time. It can be a wake-up call as how we need to find more connection in our lives, as well as with others and we should not shy away from seeking it out.
Posted on: Sat, 21 Sep 2013 03:29:05 +0000
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