Achievements for yesterday: Sorry for the late post but last night i had the laptop in front of me, the words were going through my head but the fingers werent tapping and i just felt so tired i thought, youve had a hard day girl - rest. So whichever way you take that, better late than never, here it is. Yesterday was a big day, it seemed to go on forever. What resulted in a accident on the A316 that saw me stuck in gridlock traffic for over an hour and all other routes (yes 4 i tried) were equally congested meant that i was unable to see my friend, unable to work on my website with a professional and now we cant rearrange and an unplanned afternoon where well i went into meltdown as some of you will know (thank you to everyone whom supported me). It hadnt been a good morning or a good week in fact - starting with weighing myself on a non weigh day yes not the best ideas especially as Ive lasted so long at doing it every other day but well maybe one has to slip to learn not to do it again. I wanted to see whether thurs huge weight gain was water, it wasnt fridays weight went up further and considering i had struggled to have 1 of my milks and my cereal bar on thurs cos of the weight gain meant that i was in turmoil and not knowing what to do. Well i had my breakfast, i even had my cereal bar, i then had my lunch, my fruit snacks (and lettuce - more of that later), my dinner, both my milks and my 2 rich tea. So i think youll agree that pulling it back was well achieved. I am making light of the ease that that line seemed, cos god i feel sick to recall the turmoil of yesterday, the agony, the pain, the indecision, torment and screaming in my head, the fear, the guilt, the terror, the sadness. I think and ive been reflecting on this this morning that now ive gone over another number on the scales that i am grieving the number Ive left behind. I will never be this number again and that feels sad, i felt safer at this number and now im in unknown territory, and you know what i have many more numbers higher than i am now to go so lots of grieving and letting go which will be hard. I did go to yoga yesterday morning and thou i was panicking cos it didnt feel energetic enough, it did give me time for reflection and it was there that i came up in my head how maybe this huge weight gain was just what i needed to give me the shove in the right direction. Painful, agony, yes but if i can now keep the momentum up then this can only be a good thing, the challenge is to not pull back and thus this mornings cereal bar has been a real toughie i wasnt going to have it but i remembered the conversation that i had yet with a friend in that if i mess with my plan my body will not know where it is and then i can expect a rocky mountain in weight gains and losses and this is chaos and i wont know what to do. So yesterday i sat all afternoon, i didnt feel i did much work cos i couldnt concentrate but i did cull my magazines which was hard (im a bit of a hoarder - my next door neighbour now has a lovely present pile outside her door), and so the floor is a little clearer, i got the ironing done and well the order of the day was to have all my food - check and the biggie I QUIT DIET COKE! i am now a day free, i had a major coke addiction, no money and it was getting me down and another thing i felt guilty for, so i decided going cold turkey and you know what day it was - my 2 yr anniversary of no chewing gum. 2 Yrs ive done now, again i was literally popping them 1 after another and so now with the coke, Ive quit before so i know i can do it, i also know the start is always the hardest so the challenge has begun. 12 cans down to none! See how i go but i hope to see the New Year in coke free x
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 10:25:45 +0000
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