Adoption 24 and 25 continued. It is strange that this my hardest post has fallen on thanksgiving almost as if it was planned. I will not go into detail of how bad things got but Rachel felt she could not manage the medical care that comes along with Spina Bifida and asked if Conneth could live with us. So we took guardianship when he was eight. One early morning less then a year later we received the call every parent fears. Our daughter had a episode of STV , She was at the hospital but things did not look good. We quickly got dressed but before we left the house the phone rang again. This time with the words Shes Gone. I collapsed to the floor but the urgency to see my daughter got me up. How we made the hour and a half drive to Hot Springs I do not know. At one point Willie had to pull over to compose himself. When we arrived at the hospital we were escorted to a room. Where she laid peacefully on the gurney , I sat next to her and held her arm that was not covered by the sheet, she looked so beautiful it was surreal. After a time everyone left the room except me. I didnt want to leave her, I think I felt if I did this nightmare would be true. I started to sing to her I will rise when he calls my name no more sorrow no more pain. Quietly I sang it over and over again. I dont know how long I was with her, Willie came in and said we needed to go and get the grandkids. They didnt know yet but the oldest had figured it out since she was awake when the ambulance had come. Words cannot describe the atmosphere as we sat on the front steps and held them all in shock. We packed their belongings and all was silence on the drive home. The two oldest girls went back to live with their father, who we have a open relationship with and the girls visit often. Conneth was already with us and the littlest , Ian we took emergency guardianship of. We began the process to update our homestudy shortly after to adopt Conneth, it was odd but I think it actually helped me to have a motive to keep on. In my grief the only place I felt safe was in my home, panic would set in if I left the house but with the goal of securing the position of my daughters two children with us helped me to overcome that. It is always with mixed emotions as we raise these beautiful children . Joy as we take part in their activities and accomplishments and sadness knowing she was suppose to be the one ,with me playing the grandmother role. They say time heals but it really doesnt . You just live each day until you can live again. Sometimes I get envious of people who choose a more simple life or so called normal life, family two kids, never having to face the tragedys we have by opening our lives to the broken and unwanted, but even in the pain I find joy , watching my children grow and seeing their accomplishments both big and small and acting on the passion God has given me of prolife and to help to find homes for the weakest and the most unwanted.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 02:57:45 +0000
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