Adventures Inside Ryans Head: Episode 53 One of my coworkers is an ogre. Or a troll, or maybe a baby giant. Its hard to tell because he always walks around in the knit christmas sweater and matching wool cap, and so I cant see what his hair looks like (thats you you tell between the different races, you see; troll hair is long and stringy, giant hair is thick and natty, and ogres shaved their heads because they all want to be like bruce willis). The thing is, I think he likes me (or she: Again, sans hair there are no visual or auditory cues to differentiate between race or gender). Its always following me around asking what I want it to do, as though I was preternaturally disposed to giving orders to large, lumbering creatures. I once told it to tease a moose after becoming sufficiently annoyed by this habit, and when I came back the next day he/she gave me a pair of antlers. Big ones. I think he teased, like, the moose King or something. Anyways, in light of this overwhelming strength and natural inclination towards servitude, Ive decided to make him my minion. Ive always wanted one, and its already come in handy. I bring him to the gym with me and have him stand by my favorite treadmill until the person using it can no longer bear the smell and leaves, and then I give him/her a 50 dumbbell to play with while I jog. I thought briefly about bringing him home once, to scare Bob, but realized it wouldnt be a good idea. Dwarves become incontinent when theyre frightened.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Feb 2014 03:00:26 +0000
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