Advice For The Day: That jerk who pulled out in front of you this morning on the drive to work ... Not paying attention .... Talking on the cell phone ... reading text messages .... swerving .... and just going too damn slow .... I think weve all ended up behind him/her/them at some point. I did this morning ... just as I have so many mornings before, driving west on Sound Avenue .... or in the afternoon when Im trying so hard to get to Riverhead to see someone ... anyway ... so this morning, I thought about WHY the person in front of me had absently pulled out in front of me, was driving so slow .... and why they werent tuned in enough to even realize what theyd just done .... and in wondering WHY, I felt a wave of compassion ... empathy ... genuine concern ... I wondered what the call was about .... and what ABOUT that call was causing this behavior .... I found so many possible answers flooding my mind .... picturing the voice on the other end of his phone .... Its cancer .... Im leaving you ... Youre fired ... Im pregnant ... Im having a panic attack and I need you. ... Im sorry Mr. Jones, but theres been an accident .... Sure .... I dont know .... This guy could just be another self-absorbed asshole .... But thats just it .... I DONT know ... So I eased off .... I let about ten car-lengths open up between me and his back bumper .... and then I watched, hand ready to go for the horn if he should drift too far toward the ditch or into oncoming traffic. I became less concerned about getting where I wanted to be when I wanted to be there than I was about this guy making it down the blacktop without anything bad happening to him ..... Its not just about driving .... Its about assuming .... Assume the other person has positive intentions .... remember that .... POSITIVE INTENTIONS ... When someone does or says something that hurts you or pisses you off .... first .... try to remember you are not the only person with whom the other person has dealt with today ... or in the past few days etc. .... second, try to imagine what might be behind the words or behavior WITHOUT inserting yourself into the equation. Then third, react in a manner that shows you BELIEVE the other person had positive intention when they did or said what they did or said. Ive been guilty of forgetting this edict. It is more than just you involved in the exchange. Its you, the other person AND anyone else who affected that persons mood or state of mind throughout their entire life history. That can be half a football stadium full of people for all you know. And like I said .... its not just about driving. If they say something that hurts ... think first .... Does she love me? Is this person a friend? Is there any reason this person would want to hurt me like this? My husband never says things like this .... what could have caused this? and a thousand other questions that may apply. Then look at the possible answers, bearing in mind that the person you are dealing with has POSITIVE INTENTIONS. Try to react in a manner that shows this process .... Wow .... Long winded today LOL Sorry :)
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:51:36 +0000
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