After 9/11 I really wanted to work for the government and show support for the government and military during 2003 when the Iraq War was happening. I started my own little part of the American Dream where I went out to work for myself and live with other people and eventually I could have enough money to have my own apartment and live by myself. I ended up applying for and getting the job to work at the California Conservation Corps in Ukiah in Mendocino County. I eventually ended up losing my job after Arnold Swarzenegger cut the funding to the to the Ukiah C.C.C. center and they started firing people that caused bad publicity for them, because they were trying to get the funding back again to keep their station center open and not lose their own jobs. I got fired after I tried to complain about a neighbors dog that would try to bite people every day, so I lost my job at the government and I ended up working different jobs. I eventually had a nice job and got my own apartment where I did not have to live with other people, who were sometimes kind of abusive to live with. I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar and I just worked jobs for like 5 years with the disability and I did a good job at he jobs I worked. After losing my jobs I ended up applying for social security benefits claiming disability for bipolar. Now for the last 5 and a half years I have gotten social security. So I ended up getting my slice of the pie of the American Dream after all where I get to live happily in my own apartment and I get social security payments each month. I listened to a lot of politicians speeches after 9/11 and they urged the American people to pull together to keep our economy good and defend the country and I really took it to heart trying to work for the government itself for 6 months. It has been kind of my generation that took up the mantle after 9/11 to build a better world for America and the world after America was apparently drawn into war across the planet similar to America reacting to Pearl Harbor and entering World War II on behalf of the Allies. I have felt kind of crappy today about America and its role in the world in the past, but today I remembered the American Dream and references to it and its possibility of dying in the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas movie with Johnny Depp. I just feel the American Dream is finally alive and well for me after I received social security, and I went off my medications and friends convinced me to take my medications again and I renewed my social security by talking to a doctor two years ago so I keep getting it. Sometimes people would be mean to me when I said I get social security and they claim I do not deserve it. They dont understand social security was brought about to take care of disabled people and elderly people after the Great Depression the U.S.A. before World War 2. Bipolar is a life long mental illness that progressively gets worse as you age older, so I definitely think that I deserve to get it. My doctor even diagnosed me as schizo-affective which means he thinks I have bipolar and can have sign of schizophrenia if I am stressed out, but he said all of the symptoms of schizophrenia or schiazo-affective disorder had regressed after I started taking my medications risperidal again. For the last 4 years I took risperidal and I felt normal again and dont usually have any of the bipolar symptoms most days I have none. But today I got stressed out and cycled between the bipolar, that is why it is called bipolar people go through mood swings basically, just a normal person will go through mood swings for a small amount of time and bipolar people can be affected by the mood swings for days, weeks or years on end before they get better and feel normal again. So I am lucky because with the bipolar I have I will only feel crappy for one day at a time and I know tomorrow I will probably be in a really good mood and get to watch TV shows all day long and exercise outside like I enjoy to do. I dont really feel bad anymore, but I drank a big coffee and it is after midnight now time so I have lots of energy and nothing important to do. I would watch TV shows but I got totally bored today of watching TV shows since that is what I do every day, and I decided to just throw all of my energy behind trying to understand the complexities behind bipolar and take the recommendation of the depression Bipolar self-help books I read to stop stressing and eat a healthier diet and get better sleep and exercise and go to bed early. I drank caffeine so I will actually stay up really late tonight I could probably stay up all night if I wanted to which is another negative feature of bipolar disorder is manic people will often not sleep all night long and then their health suffers if they dont sleep at night for several nights in a row.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 07:05:07 +0000