After dinner with a church group last night, I headed back downtown to meet up with Fabiana and see what the plan was for the night. We strolled easily back to her apartment since it was such a nice night outside and paused for coffee ( I had already had WAY too much at dinner ) and then meandered our way to her place and made sure she had everything she needed for the long journey. After shoving as many clothes as we could into two tiny carry-ons, we collapsed onto that same comfy couch where we both feel asleep nestled against one another and tried to think of something to bide the time until her roommate drove us to the airport. The choice was easy, considering the nerd in both of us - Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. Im fairly certain our laughter and silly jokes kept her roommate up, as she eventually joined us for more coffee and some pastry just after midnight. I was biting my tongue most of the evening, trying not to goad Fabiana into telling me what she had whispered two me before - that strangely erotic phrase that likely had some meaning that I was to hold on to. 1am came, then closer to 2............her roommate said that it was time to load the car and then make our way to Bluegrass Airport. Fabiana kept hugging me tighter and tighter as the minutes trickled away, sighing every so often. The ride to the airport seemed like one of those moments where you dread the outcome of what is about to happen - that shadow that looms just inches behind you, the itch behind your ear, that swelling feeling that wells up deep in your throat when you dont know if youre going to cry, or scream, or be sick. As the car was parked, we grabbed the carry-ons and made our way inside to find the correct gate for the plane that would carry her away to Memphis, then Atlanta, then another layover, and another. We didnt say a word. We both stood at the security checkpoint and I was fairly certain that I wouldnt be able to go to the second level/concourse area so we stopped for a moment and she broke the silence, wanna come with me? Just the thought of spending Christmas with her, in a beautiful country, far away from all the stresses that I knew that I would feel staying here in Kentucky was so intoxicating that it made my heart sink knowing that I couldnt. but I cant......... It was almost too much for me to say. We both checked the time and knew that she had to make her way through security and board her plane in just a few moments. I reached up and twisted a lock of her hair around my index finger and we held each other. I finally had to ask, What does it mean.........what you told me? I stood there, my eyes fixed on hers - seeing the shifting colors of light brown, hints of emerald and gray - as she reached toward me and ran the back of her fingers across my cheek. It means dont fall away from me There was that moment again; we were alone in the universe and it didnt matter where or when we were, how or why we got there, because it was just us and there was nothing to be afraid of. She pulled me toward her again and our breath became one, our arms clutched each other as if we might tumble to our death should we let go. Im afraid, she sighed as she rested her head against me. Im afraid of being gone for so long. Will you be here when I get back? And that is what I usually say to a woman; afraid that she will vanish should I step away even for the briefest of moments. Where else would I go? And then it happened - suddenly I was Humphrey Bogart and she was Ingrid Bergman, standing on the tarmac at an airport in Casablanca, ready to put her on a plane so she could escape the Nazis. Youre going to be late, I touched the nape of her neck and she picked up her two bags, turning toward the clock and looked back at me before taking three tentative steps towards the security check-point. I stood silent, choked-up, fingers trembling and stomach in knots. I watched as Fabianas bags were searched, watched her step through the metal detector, watched her retrieve her bags and turn toward me. She didnt speak so much as she simply mouthed the words, and it terrified me to no end........... I love you. ------------------------------------------------ I only had a few hours before I had to get ready for work and catch my bus to the restaurant and put in another 8hrs. No sleep. More coffee. Just thinking of her and what she said. 3 weeks. 3 long weeks. We are going to email each other every day, letting each other know how our holiday is progressing, what we ate, who we saw, and counting the days until we can see each other again. Im so tired, but Im honestly a little scared to go to sleep. I cant tell you exactly why, since I dont even know myself. Theres just this sense of unease floating around me that I cant explain away. 3 weeks. https://youtube/watch?v=rEWaqUVac3M
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 00:19:52 +0000
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