After having a relaxing hour with my dear friend, Mona Sims-johnson, while she worked her magic on my old nasty nails, I decided to bite the bullet and make my quarterly trek to hell ... er, I mean Walmart. After circling the parking lot for 45 minutes trying to find a spot to park where I didnt have to walk 300 miles, I finally found a good space. The Dave used to get so frustrated with me for doing this. It wont hurt you to walk a few extra feet, he would say, glaring at my ample buttocks and lopped over gut that I had stuffed into my largest pair of jeans. My mother always told me, Never allow your husband to see you struggling to get into your pantyhose. The same advice should go for jeans. Anyway, poor ol Dave, after having knee replacement surgery last year, sure understands now why I park up front and avoid stairs and steps at all costs. Anyway, I trudged my abundant ass into the entrance just as it dawned on me that I not only didnt wear makeup, I didnt wear a bra! I thought that was probably acceptable at the beauty salon but it was only then that it occurred to me that someone might be at the store taking pictures for the next People of Walmart series. I feel sure youll see me flipping, flopping, flouncing and sagging in the upcoming segment. And although I made it through my hour-long shopping excursion virtually unscathed and I got to hug a bunch of folks, I couldnt help but think to myself, They are hugging me and probably thinking how they cant feel a bra strap or maybe they can even feel my old mushy teats as we embrace. I worried about all of that until I got in my car and turned on the radio. Deep Purples Smoke on the Water. What more could an aging, fat, braless old hag ask for on a beautiful day like today? I turned up the volume and sailed on home whereupon my hunka hunka burning love husband unloaded Laverne and wagged all those groceries in that I had purchased because I made the mistake of going to Walmart hungry. Have a good day.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 20:35:19 +0000
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