After reading Justins post about Aspergers affecting on the physical side, I had my own questions based on my experiences. A lot of traits Ive noticed at one point in my life seem very likely to be near Aspie (if thats a even a type). But Ive had experience with being diagnosed with other MH illnesses; bi-polar/depression areas, some OCD by compulsive intruding thoughts, even auditory learning processing disorder among other past misdiagnosis. There were certainly famous people who have or might have these or on the Spectrum. And as I find knowing this, it makes my perception of the world difficult to handle as its the case with most of us. On one hand, I want to have a dont give a rats ass approach of what people think of me or think of what I should be,fit in with everyone else if you want to be a part of society, blahdy blahdy blad. But then on the other, its a hard thing to do if youve spend most of your life being sucked into this notion and getting out of it. Ive already accepted that Ill be lonely for most of my life. If I have friends, they would be very few and far between. I just pretty much rely and stick with myself (another example of being told of being independent as a good thing or not relying too much on other people). Then theres the feeling of being my own minority among the minority of this community of people. Its kind of hard still to find something worthwhile of yourself when theres this confusion of being expected to follow the crowd and being your own person. How would that even work? An individual but like everyone else? Selfless yet be slightly selfish in order to be selfless for others? How would one even define themselves if theyre on the spectrum and not everyone on it have the same traits all the time? I feel like I need to be my own role model sometimes, because theres certainly no one else who could even come close to me. Then I thought about the idea of doing something creative with it. Of making a character with AS traits. My only creative outlet is what I call my Act-Out Story, which is a very big entity to discuss on a simple post. I already have an OC who is already unique for her young age. Gifted, was mute only outside of speaking with family and family friends until after turning 10, a curious intellect with potential Psi abilities. Theres the combination of mixing some of my traits, even feeling overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time, and little energy for doing anything else when it happens, so doing social things or even being a part of another main group of individuals with super abilities. Long story short, it took me a bit to figure out of how to approach such a character. The idea of the character being NT and adding Asperger traits as a little flavoring. I wonder if it meant mixing some realism with fiction while not making or discussing the traits like a textbook. Cause since my AOS is solely my own thing, intellect and knowledge finding is one the big motifs. I guess its still the difficulty of processing what Im told and not sure how to do it, not really sure how to picture it. Probably why being a writer would not be a full time thing. But my point is how to view more of myself, more than my issues or diganosis but as that little part of me among other parts. Not feel like I have to be alone or look to other people to know who I am. How to live in this world that (definitely) was not built with me in mind.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 20:19:50 +0000
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