After talking with a friend last night I really got to thinking about things that are going on in my life. I have come to the conclusion that I have a disease. Its called a Need to Please disease. I want people to like me. So, I will sometimes say yes when I really need or want to say no. And when I do say no, I sometimes worry about how much I’m disappointing that person. No matter how I want to deny what this is, I have to be honest. I was born with the Need to Please Disease. My heart races. I feel sick to my stomach. And I wish I could become invisible when someone requests something from me that I know is unrealistic right off the bat. My head says no, but my mouth says yes, and before I know it, I’ve just added another item to my already overflowing to-do list. It’s part of my DNA to love others and not disappoint them. But I have to realize real love is honest. Real love pursues authenticity rather than chasing acceptance. We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. Either I will disappoint this person by not meeting their expectations, or I will disappoint my family by taking too much time from them. Do I wish I could say yes to everything and still keep my sanity? Yes! But I can’t. So here’s how I will say no: Thank you for asking me. My heart says yes, yes, yes — but the reality of my time says no.” i must pause before giving immediate answers. Sometimes it might be realistic for me to say yes, but I’ve learned to let my yes sit for a spell. Pausing allows me to assess how much stress this will add into my life. The person asking me for this favor probably won’t be on the receiving end of my stress. It’s the people I love the most who will start getting my worst when I say yes to too many people. So, here’s how I will give myself time to make an honest assessment: Thank you for asking me. Let me check my calendar and I will get back with you.” I realize some people won’t like the answer they get, but in an effort to keep my life balanced, I will have to say no to some things. If someone stops liking me for saying no, they’ll eventually stop liking me even if I say yes right now. There are some people I won’t please no matter how much I give. And some people won’t stop liking me no matter how many “no” answers I give. My true friends are in that second group, and I love them for that.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 16:28:46 +0000
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