After watching Mortified with Jen and Joy, I was inspired to dig out my old journals. Here is something I wrote when I was 23, its funny how Im still learning this. Im asking the universe for signs, I need it to make my decision for me. This has gone on for weeks, my signs becoming more desperate, more abstract with time. For instance, a pigeon shit on a park bench Im sitting on might be translated in my mind as, the man Im in love with loves to sit on benches and bird shit is good luck, so obviously I need to keep this relationship alive. Im really grasping at straws here. I know in my soul the signs Im being given are not from the universe but from a mental bend, which is also known as convincing yourself or delusion. My heart, which has not aged with its breaks, wants so badly for us to be together. My mind, which has weathered in its falls, does not trust it, has no want to. And somewhere between my heart and my mind stands a small me, and it is in this place I stand in all aspects of my life and I feel the little me hurting; because he must decide soon if he wants a logical life, ruled by his mind, who has become strong and brave, rational and sound. Or to live a life governed by love, from a heart that has become quieted in its tremendous growth. Forget the lessons my mind learned and follow yet again the daemon in my heart, towards love, fearlessly and with as much force to move planets. Or can I just join them, my heart and my mind? Ive seen people try before but what ends up happening is both are split down the middle and combined into two broken things.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 00:18:02 +0000
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