After what was arguably the best weekend Ive ever had, the universe found a way of balancing it all out... This morning I sat on my toilet. Doing my deed as a large truck pulled up the street below. It parked right outside my apartment. Some loud rumbling noises were heard and after a few seconds my whole bathroom started to rattle. I quickly tried to finish up but all the water was suddenly sucked out of the toilet bowl. I froze. I still had some business to take care of. As I wondered what the hell was going on, a jet stream of hot air started blowing vigorously up my asshole. More rumbling and rattling bellowed through the walls. I quickly tried to wipe and get off of there as soon as I could but as I stood up and tried to flush, all the liquid in the toilet, including my own shit, exploded out of the toilet in stream of brown spray. Covering the walls, the floor, the toilet and everything else. The explosion then turned into a steady fountain displaying its prowess by dancing around the room as I tried to get out of its way. I did my best to combat the cannon of wet poo and attempted to flush what was left back down. No use. Another waterfall of wet crap leapt out and clung to everything within 6 feet. I ducked, I dashed, I flushed but the poo cannon was too hard to handle. Finally after much panic, Pollock abstract expressionism, and constant flushes... It stopped. Leaving me with the remnants of a perfect shit storm. So I hope your morning is going well. Ive spent the last 20 minutes cleaning up my own excrement from the walls of my home. Lesson 1: when the sanitation department drives up your street. Immediately flush and run. Lesson 2: when the shit hits the fan. Calmly clean it up with a (half) smile on your face and/or turn it into a story for others to enjoy.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 18:17:26 +0000
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