Afternoon everyone, I recently had a very spiritual trip a few weeks ago, and I have thought to myself do I share it with you or not? And after a lot of thinking I have decided I should, but before I get into that I want explain a little about myself. I am only 15 years of age and before this past experience I was never really a strong believer of God or Jesus. My parents took me to church, I didnt think much of it. They got me involved in acolyting, and again I didnt think much of it. Thinking back on those days I thought of it as chore, getting up at 8 in the morning, showering and readying myself for church. Especially being a teenager, getting up at 8 in the morning is no fun. I personally would much rather of have been happy sleeping in until 11:30 or noon. None the less, I saw it as a chore and even went as far as hating it. Now skipping ahead, a few years back my mother started sending my sister and I to a camp ran by our local Episocal diocese. I have been attending this camp since 2008, but it was this year that I truly had my eyes opened. This year, being my first year of the Senior High session, I finally got to meet people around my age who are open and willing to talk about God and their personal experiences and opinions. Those previous years I did not get that. And I believe that they are the reason I enjoy church and embrace God, but they are not the entire story. For the first day and half of me attending the camp for yet another year, I was still in my bashful funk of not truly believing. However this changed quickly, on the evening of the second night we all gathered for evening worship. We were then told that we all were to take part in what was called a whisper circle. Sitting next to another camper, who has been at senior high for a couple years now, he explained it saying, Last year we had people crying, this is a very emotional and powerful prayer. The priest then told us to find a partner and sit in two circles, one partner in a smaller circle and the other in a large circle around the smaller one. She seated the inner circle telling us to take a moment and think hard, think of one sentence that we would love for God to tell us. After that we were directed to whisper it to are partner who then whispered it back, as if they were God telling us what we wanted to hear. This is where the wall I had built up over the years against God started to crumble, when my partner whispered back the words I had spoke not one minute ago, I nearly lost it. Our partners were then told to rotate around the circle whispering the words we had told them. I kept my calm composure, trying not to let that wall collapse, I couldnt another person came around and whispered the words, You are just the way I want you to be, do not be ashamed of that. At this point I was in tears, barely holding on the wall the now had no chance. It then happened again with the words, It is not your fault. And that is when it fell, but when it fell and the dust cleared, one the other side of that wall was a light that shined brighter than no other. While this occurred in my headed on the outside I was crying uncontrollably though I was completely zoned out. When I finally tuned myself back into the real world, the room was now empty expect for only a few others and next to me sat the priest who had directed us to do this. She smiled at me and offered me a tissue asking me my name. I answered, trying my best to give her a smile back though it proved very hard in the fragile state I was in. She asked me if I was all right, I only nodded, still speechless as to what happened to me. She then went through some breathing exercises, trying her best to get me to return to calm mind. And she did, though it took a few minutes. After that, I dont remember much of that night, just bits and pieces. Returning to the group, who were at campfire, walking back to my camp, and falling to sleep. The next few days would prove to be difficult, but not nearly as hard as what I experienced on the second day. Now skipping ahead once more, last day of camp, we are sitting in our small groups with our counselor and fellow group mates talking about the past week and what we enjoyed. When it came to my turn it was hard, I was choking on my words and holding back tears, when I finally was able to speak I said the whisper circle we did on the second night. My counselor asked me why, I couldnt keep it together. I shook my head once again holding back the tears. She understand what I meant, moving on. After collecting myself I asked if I could excuse myself for a bit. And in her cheering and goofy nature my counselor said, Of course! Cracking a smile, I walked to the mess hall and got a cup of hot chocolate. Thats when a staff member, I had met the previous year approached me asking me if I was okay, I only nodded once again holding back even more tears. He said if I needed to talk to come find him and I then lost it after that, silently crying. He patted me on the back and looked guilty, giving me a Awww, I didnt mean to make you cry look. Through talking we ending up doing a Daily Office outside. I cant remember if it was during or after we completed the prayer, but he said things that I cant fully put to words in my head but I know for a fact he said them. Anyways, he related it to founder of the Roman Catholic Church and when he was killed the pleaded saying he was not worthy to be die like this savior, so instead of crucifying him straight up the crucified him upside down, which is how the upside down cross came about and how it is not The Symbol of Satan or The Anti-cross. Anyways, he had me crying again, relating my personality to that of this man, saying I dont feel worthy of others love and kindness. And he was completely right! I didnt, and I still dont. He told me some talks he had with his fiance, which did a good job bring my happiness back up. After while we ended the conversation because he had staff related work that he needed to get done, he said I could either join back with everyone or we could continue to hang out. I chose to continue hanging out with him, because I enjoyed talking to him and I wanted to continue that. I left to put a Book of Common Prayer he had given me in my cabin then we met back up in the mess hall. While he did the work he had to do, we talked on a more personal level. It lead to involvement in the church and he asked me what I do, I told me my family occasionally goes but not every Sunday. I told him I acolyte. He then asked me if I have ever considered becoming a priest, I said I had before but not a lot. While this conversation happened, I thought back on how I looked at my involvement, I realized then that I thought of it as a chore more than a blessing. I told him after our talk that I think I would consider it more, because having gone through all that. I think thats where I should be. I realized that I really would enjoy standing front of a congregation, preaching to them the lessons of our Lord. That was my spiritual experience. Because of everyone at that camp, especially those who whispered those unforgettable words, priest who sat next to the lost me, and the staff member who pushed me down the road I think I am being called to take. I never really been the best at talking with people directly and I probably will never be any better than I am now, but I just wanted to share this with everyone hear. Hoping that it will provide insight to anyone questioning God themselves. Again thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day and my God bless you all!
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 21:11:10 +0000
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