Alex bowed his head and with eyes closed mumbled a short prayer. Then he bared the mans stomach and tentatively ran his hands over it. He began kneading the mans exposed belly… He made as though to cut the mans stomach, and a tearing sound (as though a tough cellophane was rending apart) was heard. Blood began to trickle out, streaming on both sides of the mans tummy. With his right hand, Alex dug his thumb and forefinger into the bloody aperture and after a few seconds triumphantly came up with a large tumor-as gelid as tin foil and looking like a slab of putrefying meat… … Alex then massaged the spot where the incision had been made, blew on it, and then removed his hand. There was no gaping wound, not even a scar, only traces of blood, which Alex forthwith wiped away with cotton.The operation was over. The patient sat up and walked away jauntily The above is an eye-witness account by Jaime.T Licuaco, the foremost authority on the paranormal in the Philippines, of a “psychic surgery” operation, as performed by one of the most famous psychic surgeons in the world, Filipino, Alex L. Orbito, who may be of great use to our neophyte Minister for Health. I like Leo “The Lion King” Varadkar. He tells the media his department officials advised him that the planned reform of the HSE as proposed by Dr. Jim Reilly, Leo’s predecessor, is “unworkable.” “Its not going to be possible to scrap the HSE this year” announces Leo. Up rise the hackles of our Major Domo, Enda Kenny and for three consecutive days, he gives Leo a metaphorical skelp in public, insinuating that Leo has been taken for a patsy by the civil servants in his department. “I’m always sort of amused that its so easy to produce 300 pages of recommendations as to why things can’t be done,” mewed Enda. Meanwhile, as 300 pages of critique reveals its appalling harvest of correctibles within the HSE, approximately 400 people are awaiting attention on trolleys or emergency beds, in hospitals across the country. With such a shortage of doctors, I wondered might this problem be alleviated by bringing in a few Filipino psychic surgeons, at least until the waiting list is back to controllable numbers. It may sound stupid, but it’s no more off-the wall than giving free health care to the Under 6’s, while taking the Medical cards from the elderly. Psychic surgery is a type of non-surgery, which originated in the Philippines in the 1940s. The healer makes an incision by running his finger along the patient’s body and then pushes his hands into the body and extracts “tumours”or other pathological matter, such as pus and bones. It might as well be Puss and Boots, because “psychic surgery” is a bit of a pantomime. Most of the healers claim that they are “fourth dimension surgeons” There are now over 400 of these psychic surgeons. One practitioner claims that he can raise the “vibrations” of his hands to a point which allows him to plunge his hands directly into the body. Another healer says that he can pluck out blind peoples’ eyeballs, give them a wipe and reinstall them with full vision restored. That sounds useful. There are a few hundred people in Ireland, who need their eyeballs licked. Today, preferably. We need the real unvarnished truth, as we sceptics cautiously tip-toe though the new housing bubble that Fine Gael say isn’t a bubble at all. Psychic surgery also has its share of sceptics, who say that a modern expression of traditional Filipino shamanaism, is nothing more than sleight of hand. The “surgeon” conceals chicken livers and little bags of blood and with a conjurer’s skill they can make it look like their pulling out your rotten innards. Fine Gael promised that same result in Government and we are still waiting to see the rotten innards extracted and exposed. The cabinet needs to support Leo’s commendable transparency and Minister for Finance, Michael Noonan, after hearing three days of Leo-bashing by Enda, rowed in with Leo in timely fashion by describing Leo as a “very good communicator” and supporting Leo’s initiative in revealing the contents of the 300 page document. “I think it’s a very good briefing document. Its certainly worth a read.” What’s really interesting is whether this inordinate and extraordinary dressing-down of Leo, in public, is in reality Enda’s first shots across Leo’s bow, to dissuade him from departing from the party line and in a wider context, to disabuse himself of the notion that any attempt at a coup by him would succeed. Phil Hogan will no longer have Enda’s back and though Leo doesn’t seem intent on mutiny right now, Enda will clearly see that he has cultivated a formidable rival for the leadership of Fine Gael. “Look, I don’t mind being slapped down or scolded” said Leo. “ I’m a big boy and I’m willing to take a degree of criticism from time to time.” How much is a“degree?”
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 10:02:33 +0000
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