All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France Sitting here thinking about the upcoming holidays. Theres a peace within me knowing that I will not feel the usual anxiety that always came with getting together with my narcissistic mother and sister. NM will not show up too early and watch me like a hawk as I scurry around cooking. NS will not arrive late with half the food, forcing us all to wait to eat until she gets here, whether it be half an hour, or two hours... offering no explanation or apology. There will be no wall of tension in my home this year. I will not prepare a meal that will be ridiculed in some way. I will not hand out gifts only to receive a stiff, Thank you, while the facial expression clearly states their disdain. I will not be ordered to wait on my NM hand and foot, or have to knock on my own bedroom door because NS isnt receiving enough attention from everyone so she locks herself into my personal space, crying with dry eyes over the latest drama going on in her life. Sitting here thinking about the past holidays. Theres a sadness within me knowing that my oldest sister and her sons will not be here to share a meal with. My nieces wont circle me while Im trying to set the table, asking me when we get to open presents. There will be no laughter filling my home from jesting with my brother-in-laws, or my husband circling the living room with the camera saying, Smile! Say cheese. Freedom comes at a high price. Sometimes we must sacrifice some of the good things in our lives in order to save ourselves from a situation that is detrimental to our emotional, spiritual, and even physical health. Its not an easy decision, and should never be made in a moment of haste or anger, but thought through carefully. Change is never easy. Sometimes we have to lose in order to win. But it does not come without grieving, without tears, or without sorrow. But it does come with the opportunity to find out who we really are, who we were meant to be, and a peace that we have never known. Blessings to all of you.
Posted on: Wed, 27 Nov 2013 14:28:26 +0000
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